In defense of fat sadness.
Your Fat Friend

What happened to you was wrong. So wrong. I’m sorry you had those bitter, ugly words shoved at you. I’m so sorry your friend wasn’t able to stand with you in the truth of the verbal assault that awful woman laid on you. I wish you hadn’t been hurt, and I hope you can hear those words are not truths about you, but truths about the vicious person who spewed them all over you. As for your friend… well. Well. I’m making lots of I’m-very-disappointed-in-you variety mom-faces in his direction because he’s apparently forgotten some of his kindergarten rules on being a good friend. Hold hands when you cross the street, guys. It still applies.

I’ve come to believe the phase ‘get over it’ is one of the most invalidating, emotionally isolating things we repeat to each other, and it’s become so reflexive, I don’t believe we really appreciate what we’re telling each other when we use those words. Would we tell someone with a broken leg to ‘get over it’? For most of us, one of the most uncomfortable things we have to face is the pain of another. We’re not set up for it socially, and many of us are, frankly, too mired in our own headfunk to spare compassion for even the most obvious and universal of hurts. But when we’re asked to look beyond positions we’ve been emotionally chuted into over and over again — well, that takes a bit of thought and internal re-arranging. And our culture assures us it’s okay to ignore the hurt and struggle of others because as one of the most used internet memes says: “Ain’t nobody got time for that” But we need to. Urgently. All of us, regardless of the ‘thing’ we need to acknowledge, should be much more actively nurturing our own empathy response to our fellow humans and the planet we live on. We’ve been taught so many lies and we’re killing ourselves, each other, and our home because of them.

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