Report: Donald Trump has less than 0% of the African-American Vote

In an astounding new poll taken by members of the Coalition of Black Farmers in Michigan, and the NAACP Detroit Branch established in 1912, it was reported that out of 1,201 voters, 1,219 said they would not vote for Donald Trump in the general election.

“This is unprecedented, and a little disturbing,” said Daniel Dryson, one of the pollsters. “I mean, we’ve been checking our math to see if there had been any errors in counting, but we’ve double-checked, and triple-checked, and the number just keeps adding up to 1,219. And we know for a fact we only asked 1,201, because there were that many voters in the Detroit district we chose, and it’s total number of people on the main list.”

Speculation suggested at first that perhaps more than one person voted in the poll, but that was immediately refuted. “We went door to door,” claimed Brenda Lee Jones, another pollster. “We were all given specific names, addresses, phone numbers. We all took our share of the list, and no one got any duplicates. We are just simply stunned right now.”

It is inconceivable to believe that less than zero percent of the black vote would vote for Donald Trump in the election this November, but try telling that to the 17 pollsters here in Detroit, Michigan today.

A Stanford University professor of Physics, who asked to have his name withheld, had this to say. “Less than zero percent of anything simply cannot exist. With this alarming revelation, we now may have to reconsider and rethink the entire numerical structure this world has based itself on for thousands of years. Physics itself may have been completely turned upside down this day.”

When asked if it was perhaps now possible to divide by zero at this time, the 45-year-old physicist responded, “God, I hope not. I can’t imagine that. We all could be in horrible trouble already, thanks to this new poll.”

Meanwhile, in other news, scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva are keeping a close eye on a tiny, black blob that has manifested within one of the inner chambers.