How To Remove Toxic People From Your Life
We’ve all met people who seem to affect us directly more than anything or anyone else in the world. These kind of people fall into two categories: one can be unpredictable, mysterious and exciting, while the other can diminish your positive attitude and bomb you with their angst, negativity and toxicity. Anyone who sucks the life out of you with their angst, complaints, selfishness, gossip and extreme dependency can damage you as a person. These kinds of relationships can produce stress and anxiety which can affect your work and personal life.
Too much negativity will slowly eat up your positive feelings and will ultimately drain your energy. Some toxic people will manipulate your time or your resources, some will continuously talk about themselves. Some people will unload all of their anger on you as if you are their therapist, and once they have unloaded their frustration and anger, they have transferred all the negativity to you and they are the ones who feel cheerful for the rest of the day. There’s nothing wrong with being kind and listening to someone in need of a friend, however, if it happens to you often it’s time to tell them to stop. You don’t need their drama every single day. You have your own life and your own problems to deal with.
How do you tell if someone is a toxic person? Toxic people are the ones who complain a lot and dump their problems and issues on you. Toxic people tend to do nothing to change the state they are in. People who put you down, who are unsupportive, who make you feel bad or who talk about you behind your back should be cut out of your life so you can continue to be positive.
Why Remove Negative People?
One of the hardest aspects of dealing with negative people is having the courage to tell that person the truth. It may hurt that person, but it is the only way they will realise what they are doing to other people. Telling the truth will help the person change his or her attitude and character. The important thing here is that you have said your piece about their negativity and how it is affecting you. If they change; well done, they’ve got your message! If not, it might be better to let them go so you can live a positive life. You can change your life for the better if you choose to surround yourself with people who will help you grow to be a better person.
It’s not easy to free yourself from toxic people, but you can do these three steps to help you deal with it:
- Create Boundaries And Never Apologise
Create boundaries and maintain your own personal space to keep yourself sane. If people don’t respect your boundaries, it means they don’t respect you as a person. If you can, write a list of your boundaries and let people know it if they ever cross them. Do not apologise. You’re allowed to be firm about your decisions.
- Toxic People Won’t Leave Easily
In any ecosystem, deadly toxins should be eliminated using powerful anti-toxins to keep something else alive. This is also true of toxic people who will not just go away easily. They will get angry, irrational and in some cases feel and act like they are victims, but don’t be swept up by their emotions. Do not hesitate to defend yourself and your reasons for wanting them to be less toxic. Tell these people the truth.
- Know The Signs
Knowing and recognising the signs of a toxic person will help you in rooting out the people you need to cut off and the ones you need to retain. Teach yourself to protect yourself from toxic people. If someone is making you uncomfortable, unproductive, invading your personal space, does not respect you, negatively affects your relationships and sucks out all of your energy, they are toxic.
Types Of Toxic People You Need To Avoid
1. The Showoff
These people always feel the need to show off and are usually trying to compensate for something. Showoffs are more likely to do things that make themselves feel good at the expense of others. You don’t want to hang around these people.
2. The Volcano
These people are always angry and typically don’t have a valid reason for being so. You have to be aware these angry people could blow their top at any given time. Their anger may be triggered by something small you have done or said. Be cool and try to walk away to avoid a confrontation. But when push comes to shove, simply tell this person that you will not be taken lightly and they should not tread on your personal space.
3. The Manipulator
If you have seen the movie “Mean Girls”, you know the leader of the plastics is one mean manipulator. These kinds of people will do whatever they can just get what they want. The only care for themselves so don’t get sucked in by their manipulative ways or you will end up being just like them.
4. The Type-O Negative
These people do not bring any happiness or anything positive to the people around them. They don’t care what the occasion is, they will always bring their negativity. They complain about everything including little things, but they themselves cannot suggest or propose any solutions. These people can bring down your positivity fast, so either help them to be more positive, or don’t let them affect you.
5. The Peter Pan
This person refuses to grow up and take responsibility. They try to manipulate people into taking care of them and because they refuse to grow, they will be a heavy burden. The best thing is to walk away and cut the connection. These people need to learn how to live without being so dependant.
6. The Arrogant
There is a fine line between self confidence and arrogance. Confident people inspire others while arrogant people intimidate and annoy. Arrogant people will always downplay you. They will always show they know more than you and like to feel superior to others.
This man. Image credit: www.mylespaul.com
7. The Leech
The leeches. It’s hard to brand people as such especially if some of them are friends. Growing up we have all had friends who appreciated any help available to them. There’s no argument that you should help friends that are badly in need or maybe offer to pay for their beer when you go out to have fun. This will become a problem if that specific person always expects you to dole out to them every time they need it. To make things worse, some of these people will be comfortable in their current state and not make any effort to improve their financial situation.
8. The Drama King or Queen
They always need to be the centre of attention and to create annoying drama. They could be the one that always needs rescuing when they create trouble for the people around them. Walk away from these people and don’t look back.
9. The Judge
One of the worst kinds of people to be around. You cannot be yourself around these people because they will always monitor your behaviour and watch every move you make. It’s good to have friends that watch over you, but being scrutinised every time is such a hassle and can bring down your own confidence.
Toxic people out, positive people in!
Originally published at xenlife.com.au on June 6, 2015.