The first Sign of Madness…

We say it a lot, or maybe we used to say it a lot. You catch someone speaking to themselves. And you say it with a smile. It is a little hug in the form of words. Or at least that is how I take it.

As someone who actually is mad it has a new meaning I suppose. I actually don’t talk to myself, my first sign was spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave. I digress.

That isn’t really what I wanted to talk about though. I wanted to talk about religion, and that is what it makes me think of. There will be children in my life soon. Children who pray, on a daily basis. So it is a clever thing to say. You pray, you talk to yourself, first sign of madness. It was I think of when I think of praying.

Slavoj Zizek said that in order to truly be an atheist you have to have first been a Christian. Or something to that effect anyway. This resonates with me. For five years I was a regular church goer. Now I find it hard to even recognise that David.

Anyone with bipolar can see the appeal, especially if you are undiagnosed as I was. It is an answer, something to throw yourself head first into, a place where Mania is actually acceptable and in many ways encouraged.

I remember standing in a field at 430am with a co-worker fast asleep in our car. I watched the sun come up, and I felt God was with me, I felt God was alive and making himself known to me. I was pretty crazy.

The churches are full of us, we are drawn, and we are welcomed. The addicts, the mentally undiagnosed, the lonley and broken. They will welcome us all.

They aren’t to blame, but we are easy pickings. I am not how many sane people go to church, but it isn’t that many.

Just remember we are susseptable to the idea of a God. Even though there isn’t one. I think we love things we can get passionate about. Things that can engulf us, take over us, show us to live and behave and take our money.

There may be answers out there for you, but those answers aren’t in the Church, Mosque or Synagogue.

It is a perfect set up really, your world is unstable. You are suicidal and low, then full of joy and passion. You can’t get out of bed or the shower then you just want to run all day and never stop working. Amongst all that despair and chaos there is a light. God can save you, God can make it all better. God can listen to you and promises he will sort it all out for you.

You are anxious? Don’t be God will sort out everything. Worried about the end of the world? Don’t be God will be waiting for you.

Except there is no God. No one is listening. You are just on your own. Eventually your mania and passion will find hill walking or a new boy or girl, you will be put a new medication and you will realise, there is no answer in the Church and the books you have been reading do not take you closer to God.

I have no issue with people of faith, I personally don’t think we should ban religion. I think the French Ban on women wearing the vail is the worst kind of liberalism. If you choose to believe in God, go for it. Just don’t try and recruit me or anyone else who is mentally fragile.

We have enough problems to deal with, without giving up 10% of our wages or wasting our money on religious books.

If you choose to ignore my warnings that is your choice, but make it an informed choice. There is no God, you are speaking to yourself, it is just you mumbling to your hands before sleep.