The most important thing to remember…

This will probably be a short post. You are crazy, you do crazy things, don’t forget that. Don’t lose that. It is vital you keep yourself in all of this.

I took the anti-psychotic medication. I calmed the fuck down. I went back to work. I even stopped the impulse spending. I slept and I exercised. I was honestly very normal. I got a lot better. It was fucking awful.

At first it was fine. It felt good and interesting to see the big changes in my mood-level, a solid 6 every day. And hey I had only 2 types of days 10's or -10's for a long time. So it was pretty good for a while. Every day a 6. Solid reliable Bendrix.

And then I wanted to kill myself again. A really strong determined will to destroy myself.

Luckily for me at least I was able to pick it apart and work out what it was that was killing me. There it that moment, I knew it was that I had stopped being Dave Bendrix. I am crazy, I up and down, I am even a bit suicidal, and boy do I love to spend money.

So I got off the Anti-Psychotics and went back on the anti depressants. I turn up late again, I still wear my hair in a stupid mullet (I carry it off though and look amazing). I buy crap. I have 10 days and I have 3 days. I am Dave Bendrix again though, and it is enough to keep me here.

Good night and stay strong. And don’t kill yourself dummy.

DB