It starts with INTEGRITY. You don’t screw around on your spouse and then lament the disconnection. Make no mistake. An emotional affair is screwing around. It is an out of integrity, plain and simple.
Using the energy you do have (after work and commute and kids) to engage with someone other than the one who promised to be faithful to you (and presumably has kept that promise) is simply self-centered and disrespectful to you both and your word.
I have never understood why people cheat; why they are willing to violate their own integrity and damage the trust another person has placed in them. I just don’t understand willfully violating the sanctity of a “committed” relationship.
Too many people use kids as an excuse, and that is plain old bullshit. If you’re unsatisfied and unhappy enough with your partner to cheat, then END the substandard relationship — either by separating or by USING YOUR WORDS and working it out together, the way you promised.
Cheating is emotionally devastating to the one being cheated on, but more than that, it is a violation of integrity that the cheater has to live with for even longer than it takes to be forgiven by another, in a particular relationship.
Why do so many people cheat? I chalk it up to self-involved, narcissistic and emotionally stupid people marrying the wrong person too soon because “it’s time” — then finding out that unlike the $25K wedding, actual marriage is no party.
If you don’t have the integrity to keep your word, do us all a favor and STAY SINGLE — and for god’s sake don’t breed.