
So, how does it FEEL to become a father of a child?
It was a usual day after work. I am back home, tired. Cloudy summer day. I was sitting at the desk, hanging out with my PC…
We were trying for a couple of months now with no luck, or should I say with not so much attempts. I did not like the idea of doing it for the sake of doing. Nonetheless — we were still doing it.
“Turn around” — a voice comes from behind. I do what is told. I see her crying eyes… and then I put my head down just to see her holding the “magic stick” indicating that there is a new life growing. A life that we were so eager to create. “Is this how pure, real, true happiness feels like?” — I asked myself.
A couple of weeks left until the due date. Rainy day at the office. I am talking to my colleague who already has kids, and has some words of advice on how to prepare for the big day. The talk is not that detailed. Just some snappy sentences and questions.
“Are you going to be there with her?” — he asks. “Sure, why not?” — I reply firmly, still wrongly assuming, that my wish to be there with and for her is based on my medical education. “Alright, cool. Just so you know — this is going to be the strongest feeling that you will ever experience in your life”. And those words of his got stuck into my head so deep, just to discover how right they are.
27th of February, while still at work, I get a text from my wife, saying she is getting birth stimulants. “That’s it” — I tell myself. “It’s time”. I pack my stuff, get the bag of various things that we will need in the hospital and drive there. She feels rather good. The pain is increasing. All the signs are telling that she will give a birth by the end of the day. Well… that took us more than 20 sleepless, painful hours of waiting.
I can not describe how silent it was when the doctor team has come. Even when they came — this cozy silence and warmth was surrounding us as we held our hands together. The whole air around us had this… calmness in it, and I felt as everything in the world was fine again. There was no bad.
My wife starts pushing and 3 pushes later I hear my son crying for the first time in my life… This little, pure, innocent human being, who has not yet seen wrong in the world, who has never ever done anything improper, does not have to apologize for anything yet… He is real… He is here… With us. He is laying on his mothers tummy, still dirty, blue and ugly. But he is the most beautiful person I will ever see in my life. Remember the “strongest feeling that you will ever experience in your life”? Strongest feeling. This is the most accurate description of what has happened there. I have cried, I loved, I was thankful, I was afraid, I was the happiest man on earth — all at the same time. And right there at that time someone has put a chain on us three. An unbreakable chain of love, trust, happiness and care. It seemed as if I know, that everything from that moment on is going to be alright. I am so thankful and proud of my wife. She is my superhero, enduring 22 hours of constant, strong pain.
And here I am, 5 months later writing this. That strongest feeling is still lingering around. And I hope it does for good.
If you like my stories — I love drinking coffee.
