Aftermath: the consequences or after-effects of a significant unpleasant event

Tomorrow I file for bankruptcy. WHAT?!

How could this be happening to someone like me? I’m smart, educated, well read, intelligent, well travelled, an adventurous spirit, speak 3 languages, creative and seemingly confident.

The fact is, this is happening to me and it feels bad — really bad. I could come up with something better but ‘bad’ actually sums it up. I have spent the last few months trying to come up with a way forward but to no avail. I now realise that very little creativity blossoms during times of immense stress. Creativity during darkness yes, during stress absolutely not.

So what have I done? I have chastised myself constantly, which is a total waste of time and more importantly a terrible way to treat myself. Right now I should be showering me with love and support.

I have also for the first time in my life really looked within to see who I am and how my own personal sense of being can create a better me; a happier, richer, abundant and loving me. Easy? No way. Working? Mmmm, it’s beginning to.

I turned 54 last week and apart from my health, talents, knowledge and a scruffy, beloved little teddy bear, I’m broke. I don’t own a house, I’ve had to surrender my car and I have $300 to my name. Oh, I also have a job cooking for the disadvantaged. It’s kind of ironic given the fact that I am definitely worse off than some of those I feed. It’s all smoke and mirrors. I don’t look like I’m in trouble so that means I’m not…

I have always been “good with money”, always saved and had a buffer “just in case”. Then all of a sudden I’m not. In the past 12 months I have made very stupid decisions and now I find myself in a whole lot of trouble.

How did it come to this? I can’t even tell you, because I’m not sure myself. I can only say that I believed in things that were — in retrospect — foolish and I didn’t tap into my gut feelings. Lesson learnt; or learning…

So, is this a story of woe and misfortune? No way. This is a story of moving on and finding myself and ‘showing up’. This is me after the aftermath…