Bankrupt: (of a person or organisation) declared in law as unable to pay their debts

So how does bankruptcy look to me?

To begin with, I approached it with fear and a sense of failure. How on earth was I going to make my dream a reality and follow through on this burning desire? How was I going to make any of this happen? If had to give up on my business and the life I so desperately wanted to build, what would I do? So many questions and too many of them unanswered.

I read, studied and then spoke to people in the know. What I discovered was my debts would be wiped — utter sense of relief — and I would be bankrupt for three years. My name would be on a register forever and any travel overseas during my bankruptcy could be curtailed. I could not be a director of a company or be on any boards of responsibility. I could however still run a business…

The magic words — I could still run a business. The decision was made right there and then.

With the words running through my head like a sweet refrain, I knew I was doing the right thing. Going bankrupt, which seems utterly vile, would give me some rest and breathing space, would give me room to move; I could start a fresh, clean slate and all. I also discovered that plenty of successful people were bankrupts before they hit their stride, so just maybe that was me too.

This isn’t an easy decision and definitely not one to take lightly. I agonised over it for months before letting it happen. I tried every way I could to pay off my debts and be free, but to be honest I was totally exhausted and that meant my capacity for creative and happy outcomes was also exhausted. So, I printed out the application, appalled at how many pages it entailed, sat down with quiet resolution and systematically filled in every question asked of me. Done.

What happens next, I’m not quite sure. I do know that I’ll be appointed a trustee for the duration but I really have no idea how it all works. I realise that having made this decision, I don’t have much of a choice as to how it all unfolds so I’m just along for the ride. One thing I do know is that I can breathe a hell of a lot easier and I don’t wake in a cold sweat every morning dreading the day’s events.