Purge: rid (someone) of an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition
I awoke this morning to sunshine — good start.
I’m a morning person and love the feeling of the start of the day when anything is possible. When the sun is shining I revel in what’s coming and today, what’s coming is a bike ride to the beach. If I still had my car I would have jumped in and got myself there in a few minutes. I would then have missed the beautiful scenery and the wind in my face which I get to experience when I’m on my bike.
When I surrendered my car I was completely stoic about it. No crying from me, no way…until of course my sister asked me how I was going to get to the beach. I then bowed my head and sobbed. Over a car. Was I crying because I couldn’t get to the beach, or was it because the idea of having my car taken from me was humiliating? Humiliation won out this time round. But not for long. The beach is still there and so is my bike, so off to sun, sand and seagulls I go.
Ok, let’s be honest about it. It would be disingenuous of me to say that it’s all sunshine and seagulls. The fact is, is it’s hard, less than perfect, pretty crappy, but I will not allow it to beat me. I can do this. I am doing this.
It’s time to get rid of what has gone before and allow myself some space for creativity and inspiration. Working hard and pushing, pushing, pushing has gotten me nowhere. Well, that’s not exactly correct. It has actually gotten me into the situation I’m in right now — not an enviable situation to be in, but maybe the one I need to be in, to change things around.
I have decided not to look back — not as easy as it sounds — and go forward with calm intention and love. The realisation that I ‘own’ my mind is an incredible one. It would seem obvious for that to be so, but in reality how many of us are really aware of the fact? How many of us actually take the time to connect the dots when it comes to how we feel, what we think and the actions we take?
I for one have spent much of my life reacting. Reacting to outside forces — I am in a terrible car accident and spend years dealing with the outcome. I marry the wrong guy and then react to his departure by becoming a madwoman. I don’t get the job I want, the part in the play I want, the man I want. I react to all of this by bouncing from one thing to the next like I’m the ball in a pinball machine. Don’t get me wrong, I have had amazing adventures and incredible experiences which have brought such happiness into my life, but I realise now that they were not truly deliberate actions taken by me, they were reactions to space and time, people and events.
So today we begin afresh. Today is the step forward to the rest of my life with my own mind and deliberate intention. With trust, love and compassion. With belief and utter faith. Today is the day…