Quest: a search or pursuit made in order to find or obtain something

On my quest for understanding deliberate action as opposed to reaction, I knew I had to read and discover, contemplate and take in. So off I went on my fact-finding mission.

What I found — and am still finding — is not necessarily fact in the way we may understand it. The fact is, to change how my life is unfolding and create a more purposeful path, I have to trust and believe, while building my future in my mind as if it already exists. Wow, did I just write that?

For me it’s like dreaming consciously. It goes back to manifesting and visualising, which it is, and combining that with utter belief, then letting go and trusting it will evolve in the time it’s meant to happen. No sooner, no later.

How the hell do you do that? Relinquishing control is all I can say. For someone who has a mind that rarely shuts up, this is a very big call.

It comes to this — quieten the chatter. And there’s only one way I know of to do that…meditation. Aah, the big ‘M’ word, the one word or notion I have grappled with my entire life. How can a person such as I shut myself up long enough to meditate? How ridiculous to expect me to sit in the corner and “ohm” for hours on end. I know other people do it, millions of other people, but it’s obviously not meant for me.

Well actually, it’s meant exactly for people like me. To be able to calm down and cease the incessant noise in my brain could quite possibly be the greatest gift given. With all that blah blah blah going on, how can I sort through the din to find the gems?

I am a student, a life long student, yet meditation somehow scared me, so I shunned it, until now. It’s my quest to be still and quiet — to meditate — every morning before I start my day of activity. I’m into my second week of this ritual and while I struggle each morning with letting go, each day it becomes easier. Of course I’m always worrying that I’m not ‘doing it right’ but I keep going. I mean what harm can I do? This may actually work.

A little aside — Many years ago I was lying on the sofa at my big sister’s house and made the grandiose statement that “It’s my God given right to learn and the day I stop learning is the day I die.” Needless to say she look at me askance and gave a little laugh. Well, here we are and it seems I’m not dying today.