Regardless of its perception
Starting to write again after a long drought. I do wonder if it is like riding a bike. They say once you learn (how to ride) you can never un-learn. I suppose I am just as nervous as one who hasn’t ridden in years. My wrists shaky with every key stroke steadied only by my two thumbs as they pause in synchrony to lean on the centred space bar. In the space of time taken to write just these five lines, I have paused three times to think of words: un-learn? pause? synchrony? Uncertainty. I have also paused to think of what it is I have to write. More uncertainty.
I feel like I always had something to say but I hold my tongue for the most part. Held tongues should be expressed through the medium of print but alas, I have none to show for it. “They” seem to really say a lot because they also say that energy is never lost just transferred. I look back and wonder where I have transferred this literary energy. Perhaps into reading more, but once again my thoughts, comments and ideas generated from such exercises are held within, never to escape from strangulating cords but yearning to slip out through fluent fingers by pen, touchscreen or keyboard.
I hope to start writing again. It is a pleasure I do most enjoy but I am scared to fail even though I am not quite sure what failure might mean. Perhaps by failing to gain tract through a sizeable readership. Nevertheless, if this energy is stored painfully inside of me then surely guiding it out through prose can only be to my benefit regardless of its reception; regardless of its perception.