YG
YG
Sep 6, 2018 · 3 min read

Depression It’s Lonely and Scary…

From: My messed up mind

To: Whoever that can relate

How can one even begin to describe and explain to family and friends how I feel inside with all this weight and pressure on my mind and chest without feeling ashamed? No one really knows what goes down inside my mind or behind closed doors. I suffer quietly, my mind its a dark lonely place it scares me sometimes. People think I live a normal happy life just because I have friends, a job, and laugh all the time but in reality I just put up this fake front so people won’t judge me or feel pity for me. I don’t want no one to feel bad for me I just want to feel appreciated, loved, understood. Not just by others but by myself too I really don’t know how to express to others or to myself in reality I feel like I don’t know how to do anything. I don’t know how to chase my dreams without feeling scared of what the future holds or what people might think of me or if whatever I dream of is just unrealistic. I remember when I was a little girl all I wanted to do was to grow up so I could live up my dreams to the fullest. Now that I’m grown up I feel like adulthood killed all my dreams and I’m stuck in one place while everybody lives life happily, and I’m just here in my lonely dark mind trying to survive day by day. I’m always at the edge but I have never contemplated suicide and never will because I remember one time I read a quote that said. “Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it just passes it to someone else” and it just so true and I wouldn’t put my loved ones through such horrible thing. Specially my mom who has been there for me ever since my dad left us, she has been a mother and a father figure to me. I am still here because of her because she has never left me even though everyone else has and as confusing it may sound that she has always been there for me and with me I still feel alone and depressed with all this troubles and aches in my heart. But despite all of this I still believe that “there’s always a brighter day” I want to accomplish a lot of things, I have so many goals in life, I want to be successful, travel around the world, and enjoy every little moment in life even though I can’t right now I still want to. I always try to fight through every pain my heart and mind feels because literally every time I’m depressed my heart and mind hurt from thinking and feeling too much, but despite my depression I have to keep going. You have to keep going for you, for your dreams, for your loved ones and for the happy life that awaits you ahead I’m saying “you” because I know I’m not the only one out here feeling like this. There’s a lot of people with this disease called depression but we have to get up shake off the bad vibes from our minds and souls and whatever else hurts us. Find something to distract ourselves so we don’t have to think about how we feel something that helps me is listening to music and writing down my thoughts. You should too, you can take a walk, talk to someone, eat your favorite food or ice cream, sleep, watch funny videos or movies, read a book even give yourself a talk but what I’m trying to say is just do whatever it takes to get yourself feel better and keep going even though it’s hard because cause you’re nice and you deserve it.

Sincerely, Me

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