Not Knowing What “Depression’’ Was at the age of 13.
This is my story, My life, my childhood, and the first time I read about depression.
Before you start reading My Story know that I am currently in a good place and focusing on personal growth — Please try and read this story till the end and hopefully you as a parent, a guardian, or a teacher, a classmate, or a friend can help fight depression.
Before I knew what DEPRESSION was at the age of 18, just like any black kid I always thought DEPRESSION was a personal weakness I had to overcome — Something that only ‘white people” experienced.
As Africans/Blacks, we hardly talk about depression and the dangers associated with it, the only time we talk about it (DEPRESSION) is after the damage has been done either through self-harm or suicide.
BEGINNING OF MY DEPRESSION
My depression began at the age of 12 when I was just a kid, At 12, I suffered from a speaking disorder called stuttering or stammering. Stuttering is a speech disorder that involves frequent and significant problems with normal fluency and flow of speech, I was unable to say or talk without stressing and straining my voice. People including my classmates and or friends would often laugh at me, my teachers would make jokes about it.
They would intentionally point at me to answer questions knowing that I would stutter and they would laugh. I didn't really understand where the stuttering came from because my dad didn't stutter neither did my mom. Slowly I lost my self-esteem, I would cry and ask God why this was happening to me.
The bullying was so bad I started sitting in the back of the class trying to hide from anyone and everyone(loneliness), I stopped answering questions in class… I felt sad and hopeless, empty and inferior. People often asked me why I was soo slow? but I didn't understand why either.
MY LIFE CHANGED.
At the age of 17, I had no social life. The bullying had so many effects on me that I had trust issues — and with nobody there to teach me about love and socializing I had little to no friends. I would often listen to SAD SONGS all day, do my assignment and go back to sleep, I didn't realize I had fallen in deep. So deep that I needed a rope to pull myself out.
How I overcame depression,
So On the eve of my birthday, I searched “Sucide notes for the last time” What popped on the screen were words I had not seen before.The words “DEPRESSION’’… AND IT READ SEEK HELP,IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED , ME NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS — I GOOGLE IT AND THAT WAS MY LIFE CHANGING MOMENT.
And this was when I realized that depression was not a personal weakness but a severe mood disorder and a medical illness that negatively affects the way you think, act, and perceive yourself. So all along what I was feeling was “DEPRESSION”. I had finally found the virus it was time to find a vaccinate to mitigate it.
REMEMBER “DEPRESSION” KNOWS NO AGE… IT DOESN'T CARE IF YOU ARE RICH OR POOR…BLACK OR WHITE…. IT ALWAYS FINDS A WAY TO ATTACH ITSELF TO YOU IN ANY WAY. BE HAPPY THANK YOU.
