You Might Be a Pataphysicist

Have you ever wondered why you mix metaphors like a train rolling into a puddle of spilt milk, see poetry in the maroon smudge of a plastered fly, or think irreverence is more interesting than, say, relevance?

Do you struggle with an ongoing interest in critically, analytically investigating that which probably does not actually exist?

Have you invented sexy endurance performances involving bicycles?

Do you accept the green fairy as your fursona?

If your answers to any of the following are “yes,” you may very well be a pataphysicist.

Pataphysics is a difficult thing to pin down. In fact, to date it has over 100 definitions, all equally valid, of course.

Pataphysics has its roots in dada and surrealism but goes beyond the reach of either, for it has an infinite amount of extremely long arms not unlike E-Honda in Streetfighter (I am dating myself here for no one else, surely, will date me).

Pataphysics is a liquid, solid, gas, hydro-resilient cryptocurrency, infinitely capacious carnivore, ambivalently enticing somewhat damp blanket, super tiny 100% organic elephant, and ceaselessly ouroboric elliptical exercise machine.

This completely legitimate-ish field of study was conjured by one Alfred Jarry (two first names, always a bad sign) towards the turn of the century (every good century needs a turn now and then (this is the super annoying part in the article where the author starts using parenthesis to make witty asides)).

But no one can really say why, and therein lies something, surely.

Jarry was an alcoholic who was really into bicycles, not necessarily a good combo despite what the German creatures who invented the radler would have you believe.

He wrote a play which begins with the word “merdre” which means “shitr” in French and it started a scandal-riot to the extent that it was only performed once in front of an audience during his lifetime.

Jarry had a beautiful mustache and goatee combo the likes of which has unfortunately failed to come back into style despite hipsters and their obsessions with facial hair permutations.

A number of pataphysicists have produced a number of objects related to pataphysicts.

The exact number of pataphysicists and pataphysical objects is difficult to ascertain because ascertaining them would make them in effect and affectation real, thus outside the realm of pataphysics.

Pataphysics is a snake eating its own snake.

If you have read this far and are pretty sure you are a pataphysicist, know that you are neither alone nor weird nor wrong. You are right about everything we just don’t know yet. Most importantly, you are among the best of friends who care about your well being and are likewise certain that the only good and true things in this world are embedded in uncertainty; that is, that which resists definition but deserves, none-the-less / overwhelmingly, our thorough examination as talented, creative, magnificently disturbed professionals of our redemptionlessly investigative ilk.

Happy studying,

Yeki O.

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