The Longest Road p.3: Full Immersion

An ongoing story of running away from anxiety and depression and the search to discover happiness and joy.

1. The Longest Road p.1: Getting Away and Starting Over
2. The Longest Road p.2: Vipassana and the Seeds of Change
3. The Longest Road p.3: Full Immersion

I arrived in Kathmandu, in early April, a week before my 200 hour YTT with Rishikul Yogshala started. I spent the week exploring this ancient city and its beautiful architecture and vibrant culture, much of which reminded me of being in some medieval period movie. There is a fair amount of pollution and dust as I had arrived in the dry season and I ended up getting slightly sick. Wanting to be healthy for my course I decided to head to beautiful lakeside Pokhara where the air was fresher.

Pokhara is beautifully framed with lake and mountains which unfortunately weren’t often visible because of the crop burning for the coming growing season but when they were it was a magnificent view. After a few days of hanging out and getting myself back in top health I headed to Hotel Tulsi which would be my home and classroom over the next month. I wasn’t really sure what to expect beyond long days and lots of yoga but I was ready for whatever came.

Our Asana teacher Pankaj wasted no time in whipping us into shape, he masterfully sequenced the Hatha and Ashtanga Vinyasa classes to build up our strength and flexibility to guide us through the full series over the coming month. He pushed many of us to our limits and beyond knowing when to lean on us and when to ease up. As most of us discovered it’s quite common for people to get sick early in these courses. Between the twice daily yoga and pranayama which is releasing all sorts of toxins and stress coupled with the brain work of philosophy, anatomy, teaching methodology, mediation and so on it can be quite the shock to the system but you need to think of this as a marathon and not a race. I never got physically sick but I definitely had bouts of high and low energy.

This was my first introduction to the philosophy of yoga as well as Pranayama, which was taught by the colorful and knowledgeable Gangesh. He made philosophy interesting and interactive, there was rarely a dull moment which encouraged class interaction and discussion. I can’t say I that I accept all of what the yogic scriptures say is truth but I acknowledge it and maintain an open mind, after all you have to discover your own truth. I must admit I mostly had that western idea of yoga coming into this, where yoga was a form of exercise and stretching to relax and de-stress, have I ever been enlightened!

The lovely and gentle Ksenia taught us anatomy and teaching methodology and her knowledge really helped to create the link between physical anatomy, asana’s and how to sequence a class. We were lucky to have a special guest teacher in Manoranjand who taught us chair yoga, which is a nice touch and useful in todays “office age”, yoga nidra and one of my favorite subjects, mudra’s. He was perhaps the best teacher in teaching us how to teach these classes, his energy and enthusiasm certainly made him unforgettable and a favorite of many.

Last but not least was Swami Atma, beautiful soul and legend of a man. He taught us various meditation techniques and mantras but it was his sage advice that left the lasting impression. I wanted to pull him aside to talk with him about all the thoughts bouncing around in my head but I didn’t know how to put it together, I just wasn’t ready. Many others were lucky enough to receive his sage advice though. I did struggle with the meditation at first as there were many techniques with mantras, affirmations, laying down and such. I had encountered the same issues on the road when going to various meditation classes as my 2 profound meditation experiences were with silent meditation, I suppose you could say I had created an attachment there. I came to the realization that this wasn’t about my personal practice of mediation, it was about learning techniques that I could use to teach others.

My concerns or complaints are pretty minimal and I’m generally not bothered by much to be honest but classes consistently ran over time and this got more frustrating as we got more tired and worn down as the course went on. Course structure and timing between when certain subjects were taught could have been better organized and more adjustment and alignment classes would have been great, though to be fair this is heavily emphasized in the 300 hour. The internet wasn’t great but it’s Nepal and to be expected, for a few dollars you can get a SIM card and as much data as you need. The field trips were fantastic like meeting with the children of a local rural school and providing them with supplies and a few gifts and treats. We also hiked up to australian base camp near Kande and spent the day and night there. We had a bonfire, where an impromptu dance party broke out and then woke up early to do Hatha as the sun was rising over the mountains.

For my practical exam I decided to teach a meditation class, I wanted to share some of the beauty I had personally experienced with others. While planning I drew up a sequence of Surya Namaskara (sun salutation) which would be done slowly with eyes closed while I guided it with imagery and affirmations. Then I was going to start the guided mediation and end with a longer silent mediation. When the class started I didn’t even look at my notes and everything just flowed out of me naturally. I asked everyone what their experience with meditation was and what it meant to them. I followed that with explaining how the breath is the bridge between the body and the mind and from the mind to the self. From there I started the guided concentration on the breath, to become sensitive to the slightest breath which has the effect of slowing the heart rate and calming the mind. Should the mind run away, no problem, come back to the breath, do not get upset or discouraged, remain equanimous. Once everyone was focused we started the silent mediation for about 20 minutes, in the end no Surya Namaskara. I got really great feedback from the class and was asked to do another to close out our last Hatha class. It felt really natural to me and I surprised even myself with the quality of the voice that came out of me, this is certainly a path I wish to further develop.

I can’t forget the Hotel Tulsi staff, Laxsmi, Raj and company who were fantastic to us over the month, nature knows that I’m not always the easiest of guests to have around but they put up with me. The food was generally really good, standard Indian and Nepalese fare and they tried to cater to everyone, plus Pokhara has almost everything you could want, should you crave anything else. They also always provided fresh tea for us early in the mornings and during our breaks. All in all my experience with Rishikul Yogshala in Nepal was fantastic, especially for the price, so much so that I signed up for their 300 hour YTT in Rishikesh India immediately after.

I really like these extended group situations where you can create this sense of family. It usually takes me time to open up and make connections, because i’m not one for small talk, so it’s nice to have the time to forge these relationships. We had a phenomenal group of people and became all of each others greatest cheerleaders. Over the month I felt like the pieces were all coming together, many times in classes I would get confirmations of things I was thinking about or questioning. I was starting to get this feeling again of being in the right place at the right time, catching the wave. I had experienced this once before in 2008 where I would think of something and it would happen, answers would come, things would fall into place. Somewhere along the way I fell off that wave and now looking back I may have been paddling out to sea looking for that same wave ever since.

With the course completed I got some feedback from a colleague that I had been too reclusive and that it had taken me a long time to come around. Some people may have felt slighted by this and that bothered me for a few days, how easy it seems to regress. Something i’ve always believed in is two steps forward one step back is fine, that’s just life, as long as there’s always progress. After some thought I came to the conclusion that I hadn’t done anything wrong, I hadn’t harmed anyone and I shouldn’t let others attachments affect my personal happiness. The whole purpose of this search is to make myself happy because i’m all too aware that only then can I attract and make others happy, it must come from within. I see it everywhere, in all the great people i’ve met along the way and in all the great masters that have shared this knowledge.

I have taken the idea of non-attachment to heart, especially since it seems to come naturally to me however I do find it creates a sort of dualism. While it’s supposed to free you from all suffering i find that it also seems to create an indifference or selfishness, like a dullness or fog. I don’t understand how unconditional love and non-attachment are supposed to co-exist across all spheres yet. For example I rarely create attachments to people, i love and care for them but rarely miss them, whether family, friends or significant others. To others this could seem as selfish which in return causes me grief and this is my personal paradox. I suppose this goes back to not letting others attachments affect me but that’s the catch 22. Can this only happen when both parties practice mindfulness?

The answers will come, because I am seeking them out. The clouds may obscure the sun today but it will rise again tomorrow and every day after that for the next billion years.