Joking About Rape

I work at a restaurant in the south. Late last Thursday two male musicians were playing on the restaurants stage until close. I was the only server on the floor and amidst running around taking care of my tables I heard phrases from the stage such as:

“Someone buy me a drink! Maybe throw a roofie in it!”
“It’s actually one of my life goals to get roofied!”

And the one that really got to me, and apparently one of my tables as well:

“I hope you all get laid tonight and if you can’t find someone, then just rape someone!”

All of this is said in good humor. People at the bar are laughing. Everyone seems to think that it’s acceptable except for myself. I don’t have enough time to think about it and let it stew because I’m so busy, but one of my tables calls me over. They want their check IMMEDIATELY because “this guy on stage is making jokes about rape and he’s sick.” I get my manager. They pay out their tab and leave mostly full drinks on the table. While walking out, the man who was trying to enjoy a nice night with his wife spits on the musicians through the open window.

I don’t agree that this was the best approach to take, but at least it was something. At least someone got angry by those words. At least someone cared.

I’m really struggling with the fact that there were about 40 people in that room listening to him make jokes about such real topics and only one of them was angry enough about it to leave. Rape should never be a topic of a joke.

The musician was only angry that he got spit on at the end of the night, and he remained unapologetic about his statement. In fact, he kept making jokes about it beyond when the customers left, after I had told him it offended me. Before he left, I said to him “Not everyone is lucky enough to think that’s funny.”

We live in a world where apparently it’s alright for men to excuse their actions by saying “it was a joke.” We, for some fucked up reason, live in a culture where rape isn’t taken seriously. We live in a world where women have to feel ashamed about anything involving their bodies.

Let’s change this. I stood up to this guy in a room full of people who were just going along with him. None of the other women in the room told him how uncomfortable his comments made them feel, but they all talked about it when he was out of the room. Why? 
If we want to create a world where men and women are equal, and where the issues that plague women are as important as any others, then we need to stop thinking that we, as women, have less value. Do we really want our daughters growing up ashamed of their sexuality and afraid of speaking out against people who hurt them?

This is our time. If we don’t speak up, who will?