The Negative Suffering Pandemic
Master your mind before your soul grows tired of you and your neglect of it. Forever miserable in long lines and in traffic.
You will otherwise fail to find and fulfill your life’s purpose. Or worse, you will pass down suffering to the next generation, fueling the cycle of negative suffering.
A series of lectures titled “The End of Negative Suffering” by Brother Khalil Jaffer, delivers a powerful message: we can stop internal suffering, today.
This knowledge changed my outlook on myself and the world around me. Hoping for light at the end of the tunnel becomes cheap when you’re taught how to light up the tunnel itself!
What you will learn:
The three types of human suffering are Physical (i.e. injuries, sickness), Emotional (i.e. grief, loneliness), and Negative suffering.
Negative suffering is the loss of inner peace due to physical and/or emotional suffering i.e. anxiety, depression, boredom, anger, negative self-talk, unspoken resentment, projecting, blaming, etc.
It is not a part of God’s plan that we suffer from these dispositions of negative suffering. They are not natural dispositions of the human state. The natural disposition of our nervous system is homeostasis, and these emotions disrupt homeostasis in so many different ways.
It is those thoughts, that turn into beliefs, that turn into emotions, that create inflammation in the body — that make us sick.
Instead, our souls were created to radiate positivity, love, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, empathy, creativity, curiosity — to feel alive and to uplift others despite our hardships. All the feelings that promote homeostasis.
But our Egos are fixed on denying our spiritual needs so much that we lack the presence and clarity needed to overcome hardships. Every day our patience is tested in some way, and our false sense of I loves the drama.
The false sense of “I” and identification with the ego is at the root of negative suffering — responsible for diseases of the heart and soul.
Psychologists say 80–90% of our thoughts are useless. No surprise that the incessant chatter of the mind is rooted in misunderstanding who I am.
Failing to disidentify from the mind results in identifying with our negative thoughts when we face hardships. Fuel for ego, which feeds on conflict.
Cause #1] Identifying with the Ego
Descartes delivered one of the biggest delusions in human thought when he said “I think, therefore I am.” He could not have been more wrong by claiming that our identity is rooted in thought.
When thoughts tell you you’re not good enough or make you dwell over a missed opportunity, or wish for things you don’t or can’t have, that’s ego!
Monitor and control your negative thoughts and you will find the real you.
You are the awareness of the ego, the consciousness that responds to negativity with: “I am not negative, but I sense the negativity in me.”
Cause #2] Outdated Methods of Problem-solving
When a baby faces conflict like hunger or pain, since it has yet to develop a vocabulary, it can only cry in order to communicate. Soon this baby develops an expectation that when life gives you problems, cry!
Some adults have yet to evolve from this outdated method of problem-solving. They may not cry, but they resort to emotional chaos to solve their problems —but in adulthood, this only deepens conflict.
We argue, complain, blame, guilt-trip, self-pity, cry, deflect, withdraw — anything BUT acceptance or accountability. When we project this suffering onto others, who themselves use the same outdated methods, they lash back at us and we’ve now created an entirely new conflict.
Instead of “acting like a child,” adults must replace childish conflict resolution with true awareness. And when no one understands us, there is still a place we can run to and be cradled like a child — the presence of God.
Cause #3] Living in the Past or Future
- Dwelling on the past: in a state of regret, thinking of what we could have had that would have made us “happier”
- Dwelling on the future: in a state of restlessness, thinking of what is lacking today that we could have tomorrow so we can be “happier”
Living in the past or future forsakes life and your truest self. It is a direct assault on the present moment.
Sleepwalkers, trapped in old dysfunctional mind-sets that continuously re-create the same nightmarish reality.”
— Eckhart Tolle
If we understand that getting lost in our thoughts is bad, why do we still do it? Could we be addicted to thinking? If we can’t control how often we think, what we think about, and how to stop it, isn’t that an addiction?
Aside from being unable to control our emotions, identify with ourselves, and reach our potential, negative suffering poses two critical problems:
- Our happiness will depend on other things/people
- We will confuse our life and our life situation
Depending on the World for Happiness/Inner Peace
If you seek enlightenment, seek peace, not happiness. Happiness is bound by time and a product of people, places, and things around us. Happiness is material and limited, like the world. Inner peace is timeless and a product of our ability to process our thoughts and outside information in a healthy manner. Inner peace is spiritual and infinite, like us.
God created us as spiritual beings, we don’t need material to maintain inner peace. What we need is Him. To absorb energy and blessings from him, we must seek, struggle, and strive to “know” him.
“Know yourself, and you will know your God.”
— The Prophet Muhammad (as)
Once you’ve come to know him, you will love him in abundance, and through that love, you will make him your friend, and his friendship will keep you company when you are alone, and your heart will be his kingdom, wherever you go, his presence will illuminate your path.
At this stage, the world its possessions won’t fuel your happiness. You do.
Confusing our Life, with our Life Situation
Ali is an engineer with a wife and three kids. He is currently battling cancer, out of work, and can't keep up with bills. His wife works two jobs to provide for the family, his kids dropped out of school to help. But this wasn’t Ali’s life at all really, it was his life situation.
It seems like Ali is living a difficult life, but on the inside, he lives in peace knowing all struggle is temporary, and life transcends this world.
Not being able to differentiate between our lives and life situation leads to a life of self-victimizing. We will let our lives be defined by the tribulations we face. And the cycle of identifying with the thinker will continue on.
The End of Negative Suffering
Enlightenment is the greatest form of wealth we can share in society, and the greatest form of generational wealth we can pass down.
Of all humanitarian causes we can pursue, enlightenment is superior to all. Alleviating poverty, hunger, and other forms of social injustices addresses the consequences of societal problems, instead of the root cause of them all. The common denominator is greed due to disenlightenment.
Focusing our energy on developing an enlightened society will eradicate such issues at the core. Otherwise, depression will continue to reign supreme over enlightenment.
Negative suffering ends instantaneously or gradually, depending on the degree to which you are currently identified with your mind.
All it takes is disidentifying from the mind and reconnecting with God.
If enlightenment begins with knowing who we are NOT, disidentification from the mind would be the first step. These three simple techniques help disidentify from the mind:
1) Mindful Breathing | 2) Self-Observation | 3) Stillness through Nature
#1] Mindful Breathing
Find a calm place and eliminate distractions. Take deep breaths, inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth.
Doing this reminds you to consciously breathe through the day, yielding a variety of benefits, like reduced stress, anxiety, headaches shortness of breath, improved stress response, sleep, focus, mindfulness, creativity, etc.
#2] Self-Observation
Pay attention the next time when you yell or honk at drivers in traffic, do you actually mean it?
Developing a habit of monitoring the thinker in us keeps the ego in check. Start with baby steps. Meditate and observe your thoughts. Monitor the thinker in you. What’s he/she like? Do you resonate with the thoughts? How do they make you feel? What's happening in there?
Be careful not to judge or label yourself— just be the silent participant and absorb the experience. Judging or complaining gives credence to the ego’s negative thoughts when they come. This is identifying with the mind.
Be consistent, hold yourself accountable, disassociate. You will find peace. You will find the real, loving you which isn’t angry or judgmental.
#3] Stillness through Nature
We’ve much to learn by observing nature. So dynamic to illicit your awe, yet so much stillness to inspire it in you.
The heavens proclaim the glory of God; The skies display His craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make Him known. They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.”
— Psalm 19:1–4
If we can be comfortable with being still, we’ll never need screens for boredom, music for background noise, or thoughts for distractions.
Brother Khalil put forth this question: “Does it not strike the mind, that we are more intelligent than animals, yet we suffer more? Could it be that the same mind which makes us superior to them, is the reason behind our suffering?”
Just like with your thoughts, do not pass judgment when observing nature. Don’t compare or label what you see. Observe in complete mental stillness.
Disidentification from our false identities is a prerequisite to connecting with God. Once we do this, we will find peace and tranquility. Once we do this, we find ourselves. The inner us. Our essence. The universe within us.
There are more ways to God than there are grains in the sand. Just a few:
- Presence — The first step to connecting with God is approaching him with our truest selves by being present. Your truest self is right here, right now. We pray to God in the present tense because he is omnipresent. He is presence itself! Peace, happiness, and contentment, are all attained with him — which is right here, right now.
- Companionship — Even though he himself tells us to call him Beneficent and Merciful, many people are introduced to God as a rule giver, punisher, judger, the bringer of hell! As a result, we have forsaken his friendship. By taking God as our companion in all of our affairs, he will bless every part of our existence.
- Manifesting his Names — God mentions 99 names of his, which all humans are intrinsically attracted to. By reflecting on them, aspiring to them, they will shape your identity to reflect divine characteristics.
The Time is Now
If not now, when? If you are experiencing any form of negative suffering, you may be able to brush it off for 5, 10, 25 years. But eventually, discontentment catches up with everyone.
