Macho Nouveau: Transform Aggression in 6 Frames or Less…
Tao of Yummi Sutra 8
Too many men have grown up with the idea of manliness tied to a notion of power over others. This concept of ‘macho’ has come to be adopted by both men and women. But, if you shape yourSelf as an intimidating figure, you’ll only push other Selves away, creating more loneliness and fear of loneliness, leading to a self-sustaining cycle of fear, anger and loneliness.
“Macho Nouveau” is a better way. When we avoid attachment to expectation, we have no expectation to lose and thus don’t have the inclination to jealously guard it. When we don’t attach to an expectation for others to view us in a particular way, but instead forge own our path through life, living into purpose, our goal is to create and flow rather than possess and fight.
Aggression reflects back on the aggressor through loss of freedom as the cycle of aggression demands feeding. We must be kind to ourSelves to be kind to others — and enslaving ourSelves is the ultimate unkindness.
Too much ‘macho’ — it’s traditionally been regarded as a male thing. In today’s culture, though, it’s come to transcend gender as an issue, and tends to fuel behaviors stemming from loneliness and fear. Aggression, rugged individualism, winner-takes-all…if we don’t win together, our winnings don’t endure. We can see this in the way our environment has become the victim of a global game of tug-o-war. When it’s a zero sum game, then the game needs to change.
But ‘macho’ also connotes potency. Nothing wrong with potency: potent insights, potent healing, and powerful collaboration, just to start the list. Let’s think about ‘macho’ in a new way.
Living into purpose can fuel powerful confidence. Become powerfully inspired in the moment through mindfulness. Hold a powerful faith in the Universe unfolding just as it should and our role as an unlimited part of that greater whole. We can transform ‘macho’. Yummi calls this ‘macho nouveau’.
Living into purpose, being mindful in the moment, opening up to the delightful and unexpected…is that where you want to be? I know I do.
Now let’s look at the aggression dimension of ‘macho.’ Aggression is fueled by anger, and anger is inspired by fear. So aggression comes from a fearful place. Not only that, but aggression tends to position the aggressor to commit more aggression, fearful that the victims of that aggression rise up against the aggressor. Aggression is a cycle that can control our lives if we let it. Demonstrating a talent for aggression is akin to demonstrating a growing capacity for fear and lack of freedom. Why would someone believe this is glamorous or attractive?
Yummi has a better way to be ‘macho’, he calls it ‘macho nouveau’. If you’re interested in a powerful way to live, this is it. Nothing more powerful than living into purpose, creating change (change is change, unrelated to volume or grandiosity, whether you’re helping one person or many), and entering a cycle of Serendipity where you clearly see why your existence is essential not only to you, but to those around you. “Fear, this is not. Love, this is.”
If you’re macho nouveau, showing power is less important than opening to yourSelf to fill up with the power of the Universe through Serendipity. Being truly mindful in the moment is an experience of your part of this whole HUGE reality. There’s nothing bigger or more powerful than this. Of course, filling up with power is secondary to fulfillment through the delightful and unexpected.
Mountains move and people get out of the way, but is a mountain trying to show anyone anything? The movement of a mountain is a force of nature — an expression of the Universe unfolding. Let’s say you’re an expert on mountains — a mountain climber. You respect the mountain, and although you may try and summit, it would be purest folly to believe that you can beat a mountain — it will go on being a mountain no matter what.
When you struggle with a mountain, you aren’t trying to show it up — you’re living into the purpose of a climber in the moment...working to achieve greater confidence through integrity.
Now let’s talk about real power — if we want to give it a name. We ‘show’ to demonstrate possession– but all you can eternally call your own is what you innately own: yourSelf and your actions. The rest is just show. We can attach to the illusion of power — but as long as the power is something we can jealously possess, rather than innately own, we are consistently at risk of losing it — thus the fear-based aggression of the old concept of ‘macho’. Instead, let’s embrace ‘macho nouveau’, our innate power, which is so much more potent than any intimidation a person can generate. Attach to intimidation as power and risk loss, which will happen in time no matter what. There are always those who are larger and can bring more force to bear, and who jealously possess more resources — but there’s only one Universe, and it can’t be beaten.
Attach to external power and you can lose it. Repose in the innate potential of yourSelf as an expression of the greater Universe, acting in the moment, guided by purpose and refreshed by the delightful and unexpected and you cannot lose because Serendipity is always there.
It works like this, but you’ve got to remain clear and practice living into purpose:
(1) Realization of yourSelf as part of the greater whole, the Universe ->
(2) No fear ->
(3) No aggression ->
(4) No waste of effort ->
(5) Only purposeful action, in the moment ->
Get yourSelf to the point where you can see Serendipity flowing and showing others how powerful you are will become insignificant to you. You’ll be too busy enjoying the meaning and fulfillment of the Universe’ sweet song in your ear, “this is why you’re here, and you’re headed in the right direction.”
A woman or man is not a toy to play with or a mountain to be conquered. Be with someone because you want to be with them, not what they represent. People are not notches for your belt. This is not a game where the person with the most points wins. Romance is beautiful and meaningful and since our brains can be trained like any other muscle, don’t demean the meaning in romance. The one who’ll miss out for sure is yourSelf.
It’s like making the unexpected, expected…it’s not Serendipity anymore.
Objectification of a person shapes the being of the objectifier because you attach to an idea of another as ‘less than’. Can you truly live into purpose and be mindful in the moment if you think of another person as so separate from and inferior to yourSelf that they become objects for you to consume?
Romance can lead to love…but it also leads to friendship. My wife is my soulmate and the best friend I’ve ever had, but all the Yayas are also my best friends. Objectify and you could close possibilities for one of the greatest Serendipities: friendship. How can you have a warm, nurturing relationship with an object? Train the brain to see people as people and you’ll reflect that value back on yourSelf.
You deserve to feel confidence, but the confidence that comes from regarding others as inferior is fleeting and reflects back on yourSelf eventually as if you are inferior too — our ultimate potential is to realize our role as part of the Universe, and part of that is the value of other beings as expressions of the Universe. Regard another as inferior and how will you see yourSelf at your full potential as part of the whole? You’ll be cutting yourSelf off from that whole, attaching to an idea of yourSelf as separate and superior from others…but also separate from the benign to benevolent unfolding of the Universe.
Instead of putting on shows for others, sit back, relax and enjoy the theatre of consciousness, starring none other than yourSelf.
While all about you people ignore their authentic Self to flex and demonstrate an idea of the power they want to possess — you can be mindful in the moment and observe the deep thoughts and realizations about existence that surface in your consciousness all day, everyday…strengthening your sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Sink into the vastness of your potential (the potential of the Universe unfolding), take comfort that there is no “other shoe waiting to drop.” You are a part of existence so it’s not out to get you — unless you’re out to get yourSelf. With this confidence, borne of integrity, fed by purpose and available in this current moment, you will be able to hear the wisdom of your authentic Self. This wisdom already exists and comes serendipitously. We don’t always notice it because we’re too busy attaching to thoughts that carry us away and get us carried away.
The vastness of the ocean is small compared to the uncharted expanse of our Universe…and yet we’re part of something that encompasses our ocean like…well, like it’s less than a subatomic particle. We’re all an unlimited part of this if only we choose to realize it.
Our most powerful identity is our authentic identity.
Macho nouveau is all about being an authentic part of something much larger, as opposed to jealously possessing things because you see yourself as separate and alone.
Of course, “what’s my authentic identity” is a really BIG question. The good news is that you don’t have to craft a fancy explanation in order to know your authentic Self. The most important thing is to experience your authentic Self. We have the opportunity to do this in every moment. We cannot name the barriers between ourSelves and the rest of existence because there are no barriers. Each of us is an essential part of the Universe unfolding. Live into purpose and you gain confidence through integrity. With this sense of confidence, we can practice mindfulness in this current moment, neither attaching to some ‘what if’ future, or to past events, which carry us away from this current moment. This is how you open to the delightful and unexpected…the Serendipity of your authentic Self unfolding as the Universe unfolds. This is how you experience your authentic Self.
If you realize yourSelf as part of the Universe unfolding, then showing others is showing yourSelf, and hopefully, you already know yourSelf. What’s the point?
If we buy into a basic need to show others, we stand in danger of escalation of this show to intimidate and objectify.
In short, while in many cases it might be better to show than tell, it’s better yet to be the true to yourSelf as part of the greater whole.
Deep respect and gratitude this week to Peter Rutter, who inspired me to think “what now,” rather than “what if?”