Grimey shooters dressed in G-Star

Lukewarm Takes

I haven’t written anything here in a while. I have a bunch of half-formed ideas but between work and test-kitchening pot cookie recipes I haven’t had the time to really develop them. In lieu of well thought out #content please accept these loose thoughts:

  • Saw some highlights from the BET Awards. The Brandy/MC Lyte/Yo-Yo/Queen Latifah performance was pretty dope. Murda Mook had some nice #barz which I’m sure will translate into massive commercial success.
Lil Terrio feeling godly
  • Terrio’s all-white alphet and skripper dancing were a delight but my joy was negated by the fact his life expectancy is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ years old.


  • My boss is weirdly handsy. He’s a straight man about my age, but I think he’s one of those bros who believes “carousing” and “roughhousing” are still things grown men do in 2014. If this were the ‘20s I’m sure he’d be trying to mud wrestle me between conference calls. Or he wants the d. He won’t be getting the d. I wish he’d stop touching me.
  • Who has time to go on dates? Besides me of course. Maybe my boss will ask me out…
  • Why is candy corn such a divisive issue?
  • Started watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix and while a lot of it bothers me (Lorelai is so talky and clever, Lorelai and Rory are besties, Lorelai is a Pokémon name and not a human name, etc.) it has its moments. I also promised to “get back” to my friend when I “have an opinion on the “Dean/Jess saga” so as a man of my word I soldier on.
“Ready to shoot, Jack.”
  • My sex life the past 6 months has been “Dirk Diggler” one weekend and this guy the rest of the 6 months.
  • If a woman grows up in Ohio and then lives in Italy for several years her accent becomes Canadian. Confirmed.
  • How many words should my forthcoming think-piece “The New iPhone is the Daintiest Thing I’ve Ever Jizzed On” be?
  • I’m not even on Twitter anymore but its existence gives me anxiety.
  • Related, why is there so much pressure to have an opinion on everything ever? Only so many wheelies can be popped on the zeitgeist.
  • Listen to Banks “Warm Water” if you want to think forlornly about your ex and then think about how much you hate yourself for your forlorn ex thinking. The song isn’t even about exes. Pretty sure it’s about your roommate forgetting to refill the Brita. I give the song 5 flameoijis regardless.
  • Pain + Time = Comedy
  • Sike.