The Home Run Derby is the Absolute Worst

A special HR Derby edition where I list the absolute worst thing from Brewers games, whether I happen to watch it or not.

A simple mind would said that Robbie Cano was the absolute worst for having the misfortune of being matched up with Giancarlo Stanton last night. Apparently Stanton mashed 24 home runs to Cano’s 7. I say apparently, because I didn’t really watch. I caught some of it here and there, between making dinner and going to the gym.

To be honest, I dismissed the home run derby ever since they went to the new format. I preferred the old hit as many as you can before you get ten outs format. The whole thing with the clock put me off. Clocks in baseball make me say humbug. This just seemed in line with Major League Baseball’s attempt to cram their product into two hours flat.

This is actually a lie. I would have watched, had I not prioritized eating a decent meal and getting a workout in. Because I am an adult, and as much as I enjoy watching feats of human strength combined with the silliness of watching kids incompetently shagging fly balls, I need to not be obese anymore because doctors told me so.

It really isn’t fair to call Cano the loser of the Home Run Derby. Memorably, he won it in 2011 with his father pitching and under the superior old format untainted by mere clocks. That was back in the days I imbibed processed cheeses and sat in front of the television with apparent impunity to my blood cholesterol. If I’d watched, I may have seen Stanton send 61 baseballs into the San Diego night. Instead, the Derby only served to remind me of a life that requires reassessed pleasures. And for that, the Home Run Derby is the absolute worst.