You’re Your Worst Critic
It’s 1:00 am as I write this, I’m about to watch a movie for a review, I’ve got about three videos I need to edit, a podcast to schedule, and a million other things to do in preparation for this week’s to-do list.
As I get everything ready to do, I just wanted to reflect and share some thoughts I keep in general about progress in my life. To get you acclimated to the type of person I am. I am a college student, about to graduate after this year. I am an aspiring entrepreneur in the creative industry. I make YouTube videos, live stream gaming content on multiple platforms, I’m building my own network website and I’m working on building my own brand. My dream is to be able to work full-time on my own terms as a Creative Entrepreneur. In many ways, this has always been my dream, but it wasn’t until the end of last year that I had realized all of this.
I’m always working towards these big goals and often times I can get caught up in my head with everything that’s going on, because I stay so busy.
I mean even though it’s summer time, I’m still only getting an average about 6 hours of sleep a night, because of all the things I’m trying to accomplish.
The problem for me is, even though I’m tired all the time (and part of this is a medical reason, I’ve always been tired and have never really felt rested, even when I have full nights of sleep), I still want to be moving forward in everything I do.
I keep myself busy, because I enjoy it. I enjoy having a lot to get done and I want to always be accomplishing something. It’s crazy, because if I have a day where I don’t accomplish something, for whatever reason it may be, I actually feel extremely terrible about myself. I get super irritated that I haven’t done anything that day.
And it’s hard.
Because I want to do a lot and I want to do great things, but the fact that I’m a human gets in the way of things sometimes. It sounds stupid, but that’s honestly how I’m built.
I hate the fact that I have to sleep. Because when I do sleep, it’s never fulfilling, I’m still tired when I wake up and I just feel like I’ve wasted an entire 6–8 hours of my life. But then if I don’t sleep, I can get a migraine, which forces me to sleep for another 8–10 hours and I just feel even more miserable. And the cycle can continue this way.
It’s rough always having a to-do list, that you create yourself, and not being able to fulfill all of it, just because there simply isn’t enough time in the day. And I know, sooner or later I’ll either optimize my time better, realistically figure out what all I can do, delegate some of these tasks to other people or more likely — do all of these. I guess the biggest “complaint” that I have (it’s not really a true complaint, just a thought) is that I feel like I know what it takes to be successful and I feel like I’m on that route right now, but I also feel like I never do enough.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that saying everyone always say — “I’m my worst critic.”