Confession

I suffer from social anxiety and depression. I’ve lived with it since I was a teenager, and it’s only recently that I’ve learned to deal with it. There was no Dr. Phil when I was a teenager. My high school didn’t have counselors who dealt with mental illnesses. I learned to put on a brave face every single day at school, regardless of my home life or my mental state. I didn’t come from a lovingly demonstrative and approachable family who helped my emotional struggle by lovingly holding space for me to work through my issues. No. I was left to my own devices to deal with my issues. Alone in my bedroom, with only my canary yellow Walkman to relieve my pain. With the door closed.

20 years ago, it would have been wise to keep these afflictions on the down low because of the heavy social stigma associated with them. People were considered ‘crazy’ if they weren’t leading perfect lives devoid of issues and problems. Today, we know that perfection doesn’t exist. There are so many resources and outlets for assistance now. And, while there’s still a stigma, society is more willing to talk about it and offer/receive support for these issues. Websites, medical organizations, national initiatives related to mental illnesses are more common today. People are reaching out for help, and now there are communities/organizations available to offer it. Many corporations/companies now have an Employee Assistance Program that offers confidential counseling and social assistance to employees to help them work through issues like substance abuse/addiction, divorce/domestic issues, work/life balance, and mental health.

I thought I was crazy for a while. Everyone else I knew was a gregarious optimist, preparing to take over the world, achieving incredible feats of ambition and passion, surrounded by their supportive smiling family. Me? I was paralyzed at home, fearful of the world, and paranoid of being emotionally burned. Again. I really thought that I was not of this earth.

I still struggle with depression (the current economic recession certainly doesn’t help), and social anxiety. But it’s easier because I am now surrounded by fellow flawed souls who are dealing with their own personal/mental/emotional issues and problems. I don’t feel alone. They don’t need to know the dirty details of my issues….nor do I need to learn the details of theirs. It just comforts me to know that I am not alone in my suffering, I am not crazy, and that I can get help from either my eclectic group of friends or through a local counseling service (which I have).

If you or someone you know is suffering with mental or emotional trauma/illness, seek help. Talk to your friends about it. If they won’t or don’t want to talk about it, there are many counselors and therapists available who can help. We live in a different world than our parents did. It’s no longer shameful or embarrassing to admit that you’re not perfect. EVERYONE has got problems — it’s just that some of us are not embarrassed to say so.

I think I turned out alright, despite not having any support or guidance throughout all this. But I really wish there was someone/counselor at school whom I could turn to for help. Even if it meant doing nothing but sitting in his/her office and crying for 30 minutes. I wish there was a safe space for students to purge their emotions and be reassured that everything is going to be okay. I wish I had known then what I know now.

Companies see the value in EAP programs for their employees. I feel something similar should be done at schools. Perhaps companies wouldn’t need EAP programs at all if schools provided safe spaces for their students to express themselves and deal with their personal issues.