Bunny’s Epic Easter

Bunny’s adventure began in March 2016. He was just one of many chocolate rabbits living on the shelf in a UK supermarket — maybe Tesco or Asda — it’s not important. The point is that he wasn’t really unique or special in any way at that time. Little did he know, he would be making a trip to a foreign land as a present for a Brit with a craving for Cadbury chocolate.

Bunny was familiar with the confines of a small suitcase since he had a vivid recollection of being in a darkened box after the Creator (Cadbury) had ordained that he and his milk chocolate brethren were destined for a supermarket shelf in Essex. He quietly lay concealed in the suitcase for four days until one morning he found himself upgraded to the bed. Oh, happy days! That is where the Brit found him later that day, left as a parting gift, peaking out from the sheets.

It wasn’t Easter for a few days, so Bunny was safe for now. Time to work his magical charm. With a combination of innocence and a winning smile, he was bright-eyed and tinfoil-tailed. Not only did he look the part in his shiny purple outfit, but the Cadbury’s ink made him something of a novelty in Eastern Europe. If he could make the Brit hold off until Easter, all would be well.

Dude, stop grinning. I’m pretty sure that’s your cousin!

In the meantime, the chocoholic Brit made do with Milka and Toblerone and the duo went exploring. Bunny was an enthusiastic and impressionable tourist. A bit too eager at times; like the time he brought home a family of baby bunnies (such a stereotype), but he was embodying a YOLO mentality because he knew there was no Jesus-like second chance for him. WWJD? Probably not get high on hallucinogens. Yep, Bunny did that.

Dabbling in the Dark Side: “Luke, I am your father.”

Bunny got addicted to Game of Thrones and started to learn pop culture references. He walked up hills, took in cultural sights and went to cafes. He even went to book clubs, but that’s only because he knew there would be wine. Bunny gained some minor notoriety on social media. It went to his head and sometimes he would feel invincible. The Brit would remind him that he was not. His failings were very human ones.

Ever-confident and never camera shy, he loved his forays into public places. The Brit would carefully transport him in bubble wrap when necessary and as it got warmer she got more paranoid that he would melt. And yet, she knew what his true destiny was as others kept reminding her. We all come with an expiry date — especially chocolate rabbits wrapped in foil. YOLO.

Inception: Bunny style

Bunny survived Easter. Bunny outlived Prince. Bunny even survived May Day. But only just. All good things come to an end, like Game of Thrones, a fine wine and, indeed, a good bar/box/bunny of chocolate.

Just as I’d wrestled the LSD tabs from him, Bunny decided to commemorate Prince by partying like it was 1999.

Bunny’s last supper occurred in a restaurant attended by those he thought of as friends. Betrayed with a kiss, he never once lost his inane smile. A minute later Bunny’s head was unceremoniously snapped. It was over quickly and he was shared among the Book Club Disciples and friends at another table, who chanced upon the public execution. The Brit ate the arse. It was a very Game of Thrones ending, and he probably would have approved.

The Last Supper: R.I.P Bunny

*Spoiler alert* Bunny was not resurrected — I don’t think there’s any coming back in one piece from stomach acid and the digestive tract. He was survived by his children Luke, Leia, Daenerys and Arya. But only for a day because they were young, fresh and delicious. The End.

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