To The Saint I Love The Most...
We’ve known each other for years. There are so many relationships involved in ours. For years, I know that I had a sister who protected me like his own brother, a Mother who loved me like his Son, a best friend who always listens and never judge, a colleague who will always be ready to lend a hand, a prayer partner who has a mind that I will always adore, and a lover who saw me as a husband.
Sometimes I will feel angry, sometimes I’ll wake up crying, wondering why did we end up like this. Sometimes I blame her and sometimes I blame myself. There came a time that I regret meeting her but everyday I will open my eyes, I will always feel God’s love and the plethora of reasons why we met, why we became happy, why we shared moments, why we invested time, why somewhere during our youth, we met each other in the most unexpected way possible.
We started like a fairytale, and this how and why we ended up like any Disney tale too. This is how we lead each other home.
Our story is not your ideal chick flick. We have different beliefs, entirely different personalities, and we both knew it is not the right time.
We’re two brave souls who went up against the norms. We’re determined we’ll be married even if we don’t know in what Church we’ll be united. We’re both so organized that we always plan how we will raise our kids, introduce Jesus, yet avoid any confusion or conflict. For the both of us, we were superheroes in our own ways. People always see us as a power couple, and God knows how we embodied that label. We were not perfect for each other (and probably both unsure and afraid), but we both know back then that we can fight to make things perfect.
We are both fighters, and we both wanted this adventure. This thrill. This fight. Because deep inside our hearts, we both understood each other.
We fight, but I guess that bond of having the same strong will is what kept our relationship alive; but that strength also pulled us apart. But I will be forever proud. The world looks up to this girl, she’s not your ordinary kid. She’s your all-in-one matalinong action star (lol), but behind the curtains and brightness of her limelight, she’s my fragile kid who I need to protect with all my life.
To the girl: Letting us go is pure strength. Trying hard not to hurt you even if there’s no easy way out is hard. We were both in pain. And you’d probably be gone by now because there’s an entirely different woman who now lives in her body. You’ve grown up. And I am truly, really, genuinely, proud of that.
We’re not together anymore. And it will probably take time for us to face each other again and probably draft our new colorful journey together as friends.
Our separation was a bit tad different. It is the day that I cursed for a while (for days) but a day that I can peacefully look back to, today and onwards. We cut connections and association. Honestly, it is the saddest but most helpful thing. Helpful because we both can focus on our present lives without us, but sad because we used to rule the world together. We are the best of friends, the most ideal team mates, and the weirdest people alive.
She grew up, and she keeps on growing up. And it’s one of the best things that I can feel now, yet I cannot witness. The woman who is strong enough, just pushed a man to become strong and brave. Strong and Brave enough to let her go. And lately, became the world’s strongest because both forgave.
When Jesus said that we should forgive a person more than 77 times, I never knew that what He meant is actually the choice to forgive everyday. The hardest, yet most fulfilling task everyday. Salvation has always been our start for new beginnings. Today, I am appreciating the act of repentance before salvation. Truly, new beginnings will happen once we forgive. Forgiving eavh other everyday, will always be one of the best decisions I made and will make.
To the woman: Let’s see the world, maybe not together, but as strong as we are individually. One fine day, we’ll meet again. It may be an expected and prepared meeting for an occasion, or maybe it is the most unexpected way like bumping each other on a street or wherever. When that time comes, you’ve got to tell me what you’ve found. You have to tell me stories of your adventures, tell me how does the world look like to you now. Passionately tell me how God worked and is working in your life. I’ll tell you my stories too. I’ll tell you how I ended up being at the same place, how work is going, how I am really in love with what I do, how I managed to change my closet, At that time, we’re both happy for each other. Even if home isn’t found in us, we’ll be happy because we both know that we lead each other home.
You will always have a part of my soul (Wag mo na ideny), as much as I will always have a part of yours. During the moments that I wonder if you’re okay or are you doing fine, I will always listen to that part and know that you’re alive, breathing, and fighting. I don’t know if you think about those things too, but if you do, just listen to that little part too, saying I’m okay, and I’m still the bad-ass kid you knew back in highschool.
Let the other people to enter in your life. Give them the chance to show you the meaning of love, because you deserve that. You deserve to be loved by somebody who is brave enough to let you know that you are amazing. That, I cannot do at the moment. Love changes its shape ans it's not a perfect shape of love now. I don't waht to prolong the agony. I don't want you to wait for something that's uncertain. No one can tell, not tomorrow, not on the coming weeks and months. Let's move forward.
I hope our story will still be the greatest story you’ll ever tell. To inspire, to serve as a lesson, to give wisdom, and to Honor God. We will wake up everyday, and we’ll discover another purpose why we met. And I hope we’ll be both happy because of those reasons. I’m sure we will be. After all, God is the best author, always.
I also hope, that little part will always tell you everyday that it is now time to let it go and he does not want you to be haunted by the past, instead, move forward peacefully, pleasing God at your own pace and phases (tama na yan this time). I started from there, and I will always start again from here. May you find peace and may you meet Jesus everyday, always. You are wonderful, God made you awesome, and you are a Saint. In my eyes, you will always be a mighty angel.
It was a shaky start, and it ended shaky. But we are both made of steel.
#Saint March 20,2016