Late Night Contemplations of an Enby Teen on Tinder
Since around April or June this year, much like other people my age, I signed in for the digital dating app, Tinder. With only a little more than 55 matches to boast about, there is a huge difference in my experience in comparison. A driving factor which is likely to account for my variance from others is that I am non-binary (not male/female).
Of course, this may be odd to say since I said I was ‘male’ for my profile. However, while I do say I’m a ‘woman’ on other sites, I chose ‘male’ because:
- There was no other choice other than those of biological sex
- If I said ‘woman’ there would be way more drama surrounding my genitals
So while I did put in my bio that I am non-binary, it was pretty apparent the matches didn’t care. They addressed me as a guy and they used he/him instead of asking beforehand about pronouns (they didn’t know probably but still) but I stayed optimistic nevertheless. Maybe I could adjust their minds a tad?
However, all the people who’ve been the least bit close to having a meaningful relationship with me said ‘no’ and were (for the lack of a better term) spike-less Viking horns. They were highly bland and really had no traits worthy of being around (intense narcissism and pessimism a couple among many). However, would this just mean there was a problem in terms of my behaviour? But no, that was hardly true.
Partly, we have to blame gender nonconformity for this as one trans man I dated (after some moments of thinking) said that he just was more attracted to men, ‘maybe even just cis men’. As rude as it was to just plainly say like that (as real as it could have been it’s devastating to think you were hardly attractive to someone you liked) as I reminisce right now, I theorise that in general, those who do not identify as male or female are less likely to have cis or binary trans people who have requited fascination. Not to say that there aren’t couples that have one and the other of course!
I just imagine that maybe there has been this kind of association with the ‘other’ as the other; nonbinary people are seen more like props or drag stunts rather than people with lives as complex as others which could be fascinating if people cared to look past the identity and treat it like any other. Hence you know I will absolutely be having a hell of a rocking time when I can get my hands on Thurst (made by queer people of colour!) where, as the website says:
‘… queer people of all genders [will eventually] date.’ – THURST
Yet for the mean time, we should promote a mission towards the realistic personification of non-binary people in our own medias in order to open others to gender variant partners (and using right pronouns). There are non-binary people who are mocked and abused in romantic and sexual partnerships and as a collective of creatives, we need to change that and help grow a positive view of knowing, being around and loving trans* people. There ARE others out there, but still anyone has the potential of proving we exist and we have been existing for a while.
