I’m beginning to see that “society doesn’t see me anymore” phenomenon as a whole other phenomenon, now that I’ve stopped to examine it. And like everything else, it’s about me.
On Going Gray and Fading Away

Apologies in advance — this is going to be a bit ranty.

Could someone please explain what the math you guys are talking about? Are service people ignoring you when you walk up to a counter? Do wait-staff walk by your table without seeing you? Are other people letting doors slam in your face because you are “invisible”? Are your ideas or input more likely to be ignored at work? Or is this about getting cat-called on the street or getting drinks bought for you in bars? Or are you being ignored on dating sites while looking for love? What do you guys mean?

Full disclosure — I am apple-shaped not very much to look at. I was never the type to get cat-called or have drinks bought for me in the first place. I hung out with prettier people so I have seen the difference in treatment, but what I can’t understand is how or why it matters if you are not actively looking for love. Any thoughts on this?

So Denise Smith told me that in Anne Kreamer’s book, “Going Gray” she signed up for dating sites in different cities using 2 different profiles, identical except in one profile her hair is gray and in one it’s black. In all cities except LA, the gray profile did much better!

Now I will acknowledge that some people look better with gray hair than others. If that’s the case then dye away for as long as it makes you happy or gives you the confidence you need to be your best self and blast what anyone else thinks. That’s the blessed freedom of getting older — people expect you to not give a snot! So don’t!

I am not trying to be nasty; I hope I am not coming off that way. I seriously don’t understand what you mean when you say you have become invisible. Do you have examples of what this means or is this an impression that you are getting because that’s what you are unconsciously expecting because that’s what you have been told happens?

(Truthfully this rant could be sponsored by the fact that I have always been mostly invisible anyway and I am jealous of the prettier people.)

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