The Truth About Depression and the Black Community
You guys should already know my style, I always have to start this blog off with a story, and then tie in everything else at the end. I just want you to know that everything I write about is unique to ME.
A quick stat, 6.8 MILLION BLACK people are currently suffering from depression in the U.S.
So lets get right into my story…..
…..a couple of weeks ago I was sitting at lunch with a couple of my coworkers, we were talking about life, laughing, just having a good time. Soon one of my colleagues says, “Wow I wish I had your life, you have it all”. I thought to myself like, “hmmm, is that really how it looks? Or is that the perception I have given everyone?”. I honestly started to feel like everything I had at that moment, I didn’t deserve. That ONE comment made me do self inventory of myself, because I never want anyone to think that I’m perfect, especially when I feel like I’ve been in a fight for my life for the past year to even be in my position.
When I say a fight for my life I mean dealing with anxiety, depression, lack of emotion towards things that use to make me happy. My whole college education was a struggle but specifically my senior year, I didn’t know it was possible for a person to feel that LOW. All the while I never stopped participating in daily activities such as going to class, internships, football games, and hanging with my friends. I had a research publication come out that year, I got into grad school, and I was doing more research at the health department — I was BUSY. I usually was working 50+ hours a week, on top of internships, on top of preparing to graduate — I was tired. I was in a race against MYSELF and I still felt like I was losing.
You know that quote that states you have to work TWICE as hard to be considered better than your white colleagues? There is truth to that statement and I have lived it.
From the outside looking in I was NORMAL but on the inside I was dying. Depression and anxiety is not the same for everyone. I never sought therapy I just always figured I was going through growing pains but, it was so much more than that. I just went with the punches, but everyday I felt like I was drowning so deep in an ocean that only I could see. I am naturally an emotional person but I found myself crying everyday and I just didn’t know why. I had everything I had asked for, and to top it off I WAS GRADUATING. I often just felt like, I had NO right to feel these emotions.
For so long, nobody knew of my feelings because in the black community depression and anxiety can be perceived as “weak”, and I did not want to be perceived that way. When you show signs of weakness, people direct you to stay strong. To be black in America you HAVE to be strong.
……also, I didn’t want to be judged or ridiculed and I wasn’t suicidal so I didn’t want anyone feeling like they needed to call and check on me all day (annoying). I think during that time I just needed an outlet and I was going through so much that I felt alone but I really wasn’t because I was always surrounded by people who loved me.
Not to mention, depression makes you vulnerable. When you admit that you're depressed and need help you’re now vulnerable to people who may not mean you any good, leaders who are just looking to take advantage, and spiritual folks who want to brain wash you into thinking depression is directly correlated to religion. Pastors will come to you and they won’t want to help you but they will want to convert and brainwash you, then make you pay for false hope. When you’re depressed, you start to believe and accept things that don’t even make sense.
I eventually turned to journalism, writing, reading, makeup and podcasts in efforts to cope with this issue. I climbed out the hole that many of us slip into but sadly………some don’t make it out.
The truth is, as a black community we have SO much on us. We carry so much weight on our shoulders. We turn on the TV and another innocent black man is killed, you turn on the radio and ANOTHER innocent black man is killed. That right there is enough to make anyone lose their mind. We struggle in the workplace to be black, but not “too black” out of fear that we’ll be unemployed. It’s always a constant battle. Pressure on us to go to college, be better, get a job, do the right thing and if you don’t then you’re just another statistic. Pressure on us to graduate, not go back to the “hood”, be everything that your great grand parents never had the chance to be. The bone chillings facts are — some of us are STILL 1st and 2nd generation graduates — let that sink in.
Take inventory of your friends and family, check on them,and use your resources to help them if need be. In the same breath, remember that your help may not be enough to save them — everyone won’t be saved from this disease. My favorite verse in the bible is, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” I am now understanding that some people are so damaged they aren’t willing to wait on that joy. Some people can’t even see themselves ever being genuinely “happy” again which is why depression often leads to suicide.
Also keep in mind, not all depression stems from trauma that happens in our life, I have seen many people get depressed from impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome causes chronic self-doubt. You feel ashamed, embarrassed, unworthy and lonely. You start to believe that you’re not worthy of your position in life, that everything you did was a mistake. You start feeling bad about your accomplishments and thinking you don’t deserve it. This is especially common when your fellow black friends and family may still be struggling.
With all that said, I leave you with this……EVERYONE NEEDS SOMEONE. I will repeat, EVERYONE NEEDS SOMEONE. We are humans, we are not meant to live in this world alone so check on your folks. Be that “someone” to someone else. Listen to your friends and family members, don’t listen to respond, listen to understand.
In everything you do, spread love, check on the people you love, and be brave. I’m still rooting for you. -B
Also, here is a helpful link if you’re looking for a therapist! https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/
