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I Have No Idea What I Am Doing…

Dave Irwin
Nov 6 · 6 min read

I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. What I do know is that I know that I am running a small design firm in Toronto, but thats about it. Originally, the business focused on branding and building client identities. To help sell the client businesses to their customers. Then I realized that every fucking designer under the sun was in this market and I didn’t think I could compete, and be profitable that is.

I want to be more than just a logo shop. I want to be part of the catalyst that other companies use to reach their customers. To help other small businesses grow and ultimately, be successful. I wanted to help others forge their identities, present those identities to the world and say “This is who we are, and this is why we bring value to you”. Nice fucking thought, but with every designer on the planet now presenting themselves as a Branding Guru, and some marketing people taking that moniker too, I needed to niche in another direction.

I pivoted to advertising design. I didn’t think advertsing would be easier. It would be harder in many ways. Everyday I hear about the turnaround agencies have. How quick some firms can go from rags to riches, back to rags again. It seems that just as I had decide to pivot, I was reading about how etablished agency closed up shop or some partnership dissolved due to creative differences. I didn’t approach advertising on a whim. I had done some research. I looked at the curriculum for advertising courses, reading the books they recommended and going over notes from some of the marketing courses I had taken as a refresher. I have always had an interest in the psychology of what sells so I figured it would be a good place to grow into as I moved my graphic design firm into servicing this type of business.

I have read all the books I can get my hands on. I have taken multiple courses and gone over the curriculum of others. I have even gone back to my first lessons on graphic design, looking to fill out the knowledge I feel I am missing. So I am faced with one major problem, a problem that persists.

I have no fucking clue what I am doing.

I have a keen idea about what works in advertising as far as design is concerned.Depending on the context and placement of the ads, I know what can and cannot work in relation to the placement of an ad. For instance, I take the TTC, (subway for those of you who are not in The6ix), every day and I know that print advertisements there can include longer form copy on the posters in this space, as passengers will generally have more time and many times more exposure to these ads, allowing time to take in the included information. I have studied some of the most successful internet ads on Facebook and Instagram to see what works in video and mobile digital formats. I know that ads should include more saturation, brighter colours, fast cuts to hold the attention of people so used to scrolling past them, that they need this visual interest to latch onto the ad. To make it stick as it were. I understand all of this but I have no idea how to translate that knowledge into meaningful work that actually gets clients.

We have less than 60 days left in 2019. I feel like I have wasted most of the year. Wasted many potential possibilities, because I simply didn’t know where the fuck I was going with my business. As I move into 2020, as I approach 35years of age, I feel I should have had some of this shit figured out by now. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel I have accomplished a lot. I’ve moved across the globe. I have had a pretty diverse career, whether it be tiling bathrooms or helping companies navigate the global financial crisis post 2008, but even then I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just did the best I could, and mostly it worked out. The difference between then and now of course, is that I was an employee. A salaried worker with bosses and mentors I could go to for advice. As a small business owner, running my own design firm, all of the bad takes, all the bad decisions and all the fear of failure, falls on me.

There is a saying in Silicon Valley and with tech firms in general that gets bandied about by startup gurus (I use that bloody word a lot), you should fail fast and fail often. There is some value in this philosophy, it means you learn a lesson and apply it to the next iteration of your product. That is all well and good but when you have no idea why you are failing, it is a little harder to gain any insight from your failures.

So… We persevere.

We roll on.

We take the next leap.

Having started this year with a small job to help a friend create a logo for their site, I have now completed a a number of jobs, from helping create the labels and boxes for a line of essential oils to a job where I built a website which included a e-commerce section. This included all the product photography and marketing images for the site. I created all of the images that were not product related, and help craft the business copy that would be included in the site. It was something I had never done before, so I once again had no idea what the fuck I was doing, but I got it done. Then the client turned around and said they actually didn’t need the e-commerce section after all. They could do with a static page, as long as it included all the same copy and photos from the store, but without the store.

Fuck.

Ah well, at least I had learned a lot. And it was a huge oppertunity that I am supremely grateful for. I didn’t think I would ever create anything that complex as I maintain as a graphic designer, I am not a UI/UX guy, no matter how many job listings now have this as a requirement for a graphic designer position. I did that, but I had no idea what I was doing at the time.

So… We persevere.

We roll on.

We take the next leap.

That is what this essay is really all about. I don’t know what 2020 will bring. I don’t know if my busiess will succeed in the next decade. I don’t know if I will ever get the branding and advertising work I find interesting. I don’t know if I will ever get to help companies find their voice and present it in unique and interesting ways that fit their market and target demographic. I don’t know if I will fall flat on my face. But on the off chance that I do finally figure this shit out, I know it will be all the more rewarding for the struggles I have to get there.

So as 2019 comes to a close. As we reach the final months in the teens of the 21st century, I still have no idea what the fuck I am doing… and thats alright. Because I am sure most people done have a clue, but if you do, and you would like to share, please feel free to let me know.

Dave Irwin

Written by

Designer @ davidirwindesign.com | Graphic Design | Writer | Marketing

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