What they don't tell you after you report that crime!
I sat there, going over every detail and trying to get across what happened with constant tears. It hurt. I didn't want to tell anybody but I had to because ever since I was a child I developed a habit of making sure nobody gets hurt. So after that long police interview, those one hundred and one tests and that long exhausting days at court this what they do not tell you after you say ‘I am a victim of a crime’
They don't tell you the constant tears when someone or something triggers those horrible moments. They do not tell you about the mood swings. They do not tell you how your life would be transformed, the look people give you when they are trying to understand, that ‘ she did not deserve it’. They do not tell you how it took out your innocences. They do not tell you, a kind stranger who is asking for direction does not want to hurt you. They do not tell you, flinching every time someone touches you pushes them away. They do not tell you that every relationship you form will never be enough because you will always be holding back. They do not tell you, your perception of people will be negative and cynical. They do not tell you, that you are going to push away your loved ones because you do not know what to say and they do not know how to act around you. They do not tell you about the late night tears that just won’t stop. They do not tell you about the insecurity, the constant looking over your shoulder. They do not tell you, that sometimes you will have more bad days then good and that might just kill you.They do not tell you most importantly, that your heart will ache and you will never be the same person as before.
But regardless, of what they did not tell you on that first night in the interview room, as you sat there shaking, you helped stop a criminal, you put an end to him hurting and using someone else. You may have just saved the life of someone else You stayed strong for all the girls out there. You may never know it but you did. You have to deal with, heal and recover slowly, because its been a few years but I still feel as broken as that cold, wicked night.
