When I actually had to watch her drift away right before my very eyes & all I could do is perhaps watch her slither away with a smile on my face & ache in my heart.
Not that I was losing a partner who was never actually committed to be in a long lasting relationship, in fact, it wasn’t even a relationship premised upon love or the desire to have that person in my life as a potential partner in every regard whatsoever, but the most devastating bond that’s perhaps even more detrimental than a normal break up.
I don’t know what hurts more, the fact that you’re being sidelined for a newbie or the fact that the newbie is taking away your glory and all you can do is just stand by in the ruins of what’s now an obsolete rapport.
I have spent the majority of my life speaking to her about things that have changed my life in many ways whatsoever, In fact she was the catalyst to those changes & today what I see is the chasm that I’m falling into, thanks to the newbie, why is it that a human doesn’t find solace in one person for their entire life? Perhaps, it is selfish to expect that, seen as it’s a work of a lifetime, especially in the times when we literally have access to every tom dick and harry.
I hate it when a certain favourite human being responds to a ‘good night’ with a ‘good night’, because basically when you’re saying good night to a person whom you would wish to talk to all day and all night long, you want them to tell you, “NO! You’re not going anywhere!”, is it too much to ask for, eh? Um, perhaps. But I believe that’s the gist of being a human being.
Some things would seldom require apt analogies or logic to be deciphered, because you do not wish for them to be sorted out, in fact it’s great when you leave them in a state of distress, a state of chaos. You would rather have fun untangling the strings, if only I could say that about your earphone wire! Sigh.
So what does it take to actually get over that hollow feeling, just another distressed soul looking for solace in your chaos? Or maybe letting them satiate their hunger by nibbling on the shattered pieces of your heart? I think the answer would be rather paradoxical, because at the end of the day it’s our mindset that drives us to do what’s best for us, unless you’re that humble soul who’d rather sacrifice your peace over people’s exultation.
When you are perfectly aware of the fact that the one who is inadvertently putting you through distress is actually choosing the life that THEY WANT TO LIVE. They’re making in routes to get to their kingdom of peace & prosperity.
Then is your personal predisposition worth the pain that you plan on inflicting on the person that perhaps gave you words of wisdom at times when you were on a brink of imploding.