Misstress

Hide me in the shadows. Push me so far into the dark, no one would ever suspect. I’ll be your “nobody.” Change my name in your phone to Sam or Mike. Don’t look at me or touch me in public. Don’t accidentally let my name or a story I’ve told spill from your lips. I know this decision is far from right. I know my choice could bring searing pain to another, but if no one knows it will be fine, right?

Our old love for each other can be eclipsed by an icy front. Pretend we’re just friends and that we don’t even talk much. Act like you don’t know the most intimate details of my life. Fein that the flame between us has faded. People may speculate. A love as passionate as ours shouldn’t have burned out so quickly. They may guess that when we said it was over that it wasn’t really over. Let them, but never give them any proof that they are right.

I went from being the woman on your arm, the one who loved you dearly, to a broken spirit searching for the answers as to why I alone wasn’t enough for you. I grieved, I tried to let go, I moved on, but the fire wasn’t extinguished. It burns underneath my casual act and you’ve felt it leap to the surface in our fleeting moments alone together. I feel your longing, I hear your whispered, ‘I miss you’s, so I consent.

She stole you away and she is the one who will be on your arm. She is the one everyone will see. She will bask in your undisguised attention. I will be your hidden treasure. I will be the one with whom you secretly rendezvous. I will be your invisible infatuation. I will be the nights you long for. I will be your mistress.

But hide me in the shadows. Keep me in the dark. Let me be “nobody”. Protect me from judgement. Keep suspicious eyes from prying. Guard our secret from those who would seek to reveal it. Don’t allow more pain into our lives. If no one knows our wrong, it will be alright.

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