My “If NBA Players Played Soccer” Starting 11
One of an American soccer fan’s favorite pastimes is wondering just how good American Soccer would be if our best basketball players played the beautiful game. In that vein, I set out to create an amazing starting 11 based entirely of current NBA players.
What if America’s best athletic stars played soccer? Just how good would America be at the sport? In a recent issue of Howler Magazine, John Bolster wrote about this. Steve Nash & Bill Simmons touched upon this in a recent podcast. As someone who has been a soccer fan his whole life, I’ve been aware of this thought experiment for a while. But the article and podcast got me thinking about the possibilities, and thinking about the possibilities was fun. While our best athletes play many different sports, Basketball is the closest to soccer in terms of constant movement and flow. Thus, I’ve delved into the ranks of the NBA to make a starting 11 of current NBA players.
This team was picked based on a rough “skill translation” model: General agreed upon knowledge (“Player X is the best perimeter defender in the league” or “Player X is an awesome shot blocker” or “best 3 point shooter in the league”, etc) has been roughly translated into soccer skills. For example, if an NBA player is good at defense then they are probably a defender on the pitch. The ability to finish at the rim translates to finishing (scoring goals, high ratio of goals scored inside the 18 yard box, etc), and a high 3 pt percentage translates to being good at long shots, free kick ability, and so on. Stats help too, but are harder to translate into soccer-specific stats.
One more note: this argument assumes these players grew up playing soccer, as opposed to being converted from a basketball player. But in order to have an idea of the kind of potential they could have, I’m basing their skillsets on existing basketball traits. So don’t come at me with arguments “they would have trouble adapting to the game” or “they would struggle dealing with shorter players” (which actually is a totally fair argument. You may come at me with that one) or any other banal contentious points that ruin the fun of this entire exercise.
GK (Sweeper Keeper) — GIANNIS ANTETOKUNMPO
The perfect fit for a Sweeper Keeper role in my attacking system. His ball dominant offensive ability translates into good foot skills: imagine a super tall and extremely athletic version of Bayern Munich and German National Team goalkeeper Manuel Neuer. The real upside here though is his height, jumping ability, wingspan, and huge hands. He’ll have the highest save % every year and the best GAA. Everyone’s “What if an NBA player played Goalie” fantasies are finally realized. I mean, I’m having trouble understanding how someone would score past this:
LB (Attacking Wing Back) — JOHN WALL
The Fullback/Wing Back has become one of the most important positions in the modern game. The modern fullback has to be a part of every facet of the game: good defense, good passing, lots of speed. John Wall has all of these. One of the fastest players in the NBA not named Russell Westbrook, Wall would shred opposition on overlaps and his dime-dropping ability (averaging 10 assists per game the past three years) would translate into pin-point crosses and through balls. The bulk of attack will run through him, and he would be near the top of the league in assists every year. Plus he’s a good defender (All-NBA Defensive Team in 14/15) and could suitably play the defensive part of his role when necessary.
LCD — DRAYMOND GREEN
While his offensive contribution for the Warriors has been important, he’s helped usher in the small ball era in the NBA because of his ability to guard the 4 or 5 spots. His athleticism would allow him to decently cover smaller quicker forwards, and his height would allow him to successfully defend most crosses. Draymond would be a taller, bigger, more athletic version of the classic CB — tall, strong, brutish. His large stride would allow him to cover large amounts of space. Two other factors for his inclusion in the match day squad: 1. Sometimes to halt a counterattack, a player will commit a “professional foul” which usually involves intentionally tripping, pulling, shoving, or kicking a player. Draymond already loves kicking people so he’s ready for that. 2. It’s public knowledge that Draymond has a large penis. This is important, I think. Every attacker that faces him already knows he’s more of a man. Every opposition forward will know what that lump pressing on their shoulder is as Draymond out-jumps them for headers every single time. He’s better and bigger than you, and Snapchat has the evidence to back this up.
RCD — MARCUS SMART
A good compliment to Green as he is a little shorter (6’4) and thus a slightly better matchup for the quicker, undersized strikers out there. He’s got great athleticism, a ridiculous motor, and loves to hound players up and down the court. That desire and hustle are great traits in a center back; you never want to get beaten, and will work tirelessly to protect your Keeper and your CB partner. While he has solid-but-not-elite NBA defensive stats ( 0.51 Defensive Real Plus/Minus, -2.4 FG Differential for example) to back up his transition into a soccer defender, his hounding pestilence and ability to lure players into mental and physical mistakes would be invaluable.
RB (Support) — KAWHI LEONARD
This adds a little more balance to the backline. One of the best defenders in the NBA, he would be a lockdown fullback. Whereas Wall would be looking to constantly attack and overlap, Kawhi is in support mode: cutting inside, spraying through balls, and helping recycle possession. If needed he can be asked to push forward and make things happen. But based His teammates ahead of him have no need to track back defensively; Welcome to Kawhi Island, population:1. Whose motto is “Where opposition attacks come to die”.
CDM (Support) — PATRICK BEVERLEY
A good defensive midfielder is the master of the dark arts. They run around the field, shielding the back line from through balls, and winning the ball back to distribute to the more creative midfielders, and chip in occasionally in attack. The best (or, at least my favorite) ride the fine line between a yellow card and getting sent off. They employ all the tricks of the dark arts: little shoves, a quick elbow to the ribs, insult a player’s mother, late challenges, and more. Beyond the dirty play, a good d-mid harass opponents into turnovers, goads them into dumb fouls, and kicks people. Beverley already does all this on the basketball court!
He is perhaps the best defender in the league because his literal roll on the court is to run around harassing opponents into turnovers, goads them into dumb fouls, and being a general overall pest. It’s perhaps the most literal role to role transition of anybody in the NBA, and he’d be my absolute favorite defensive midfielder of all time.
CM (Box to Box) — GORDON HAYWARD
The box to box midfielder is the workhorse of the team. They always go under the radar, doing a lot of little work in the midfield. They are generally solid all around — not elite at any one thing. They run up the field to be involved in attack, they run back to help out on defense. Hayward is this season is having a great year on both ends of the floor this year, which makes him a great utility player. You need players that know their roles and are just generally all — around solid. Not a ton of ego and will put in the work. Plus, he’s already rocking the Correct Soccer Player Hair™ and poetry is being written about him. He’ll be the cult-hero fan favorite.
CM (Advanced Playmaker) — STEPH CURRY
The 2x MVP would be a lethal attacking midfielder. I’m translating his insane 3 point range into the ability to score goals from far out. Curling, dipping, swerving, Curry would be lethal from anywhere inside 25 yards. Combine that with his vision, he would be the prime creator of the side. Double digits in assists and goals every season. His quickness and ability to create separation would give him those precious inches of space to get off a shot or slip in a silky through ball. Defenders and midfielders would have to close him down instantly, opening up space in behind for runners. Throw in the occasional off the ball run into the box for a through ball and you have one of the most insane creators the game has ever seen.
AML (Inside Forward) — KYRIE IRVING
The Inside Forward starts on the wing and then cuts inside with direct runs at the defense, looking for a shot or through ball as the defense collapses. Kyrie’s basketball ball handling skills would make him the equivalent of FC Barcelona club ambassador and Brazilian legend Ronaldhino. Countless YouTube compilations would be made full of Kyries flicks and tricks leaving defenders flabbergasted with their shorts down at their ankles. He could create his own shots, his speed would be hard to stop, and when a panicked central defender scrambles over to help his fullback (who is looking flabbergasted with his shorts at his ankles) he lays off a simple pass to space that a teammate smashes home. Tucking him inside with his skills and direct running also opens up the space for Wall to to overlap on the outside. I can already see the right side of an opposition’s lineup shitting their pants- that’s a two man overlapping combo that is hard to stop.
RAM (Raumdeuter) — RUSSELL WESTBROOK
Translated from German as “Space Investegator” (created/pioneered/revolutionized by Germany’s Thomas Müller) the Raumdeuter basically just roams around the pitch looking for (Taylor Twellman voice) “Pockets of space” between the opposition lines. The player nominally is a wide player, but has license to go and do whatever he wants. They aren’t expected to play defense; simply roam around. Westbrook in this role is what I have dubbed “The Joker” role. He is my agent of Chaos. With all-world defender Kawhi Leonard anchoring the right side of the pitch behind him, Wesbrook has the licence to play like he does on the court: 1,00000000 mph with the the fury of a hundred angry gods at his back. He would “investigate space” quite aggressively. His speed would allow him to blow by defenders to get on the end of through balls. He’ll be angry when he’s fouled, he’ll be angry every time he’s substituted. Everytime he scores he rips of his shirt to reveal an undershirt depicting a cupcake wearing a photographers vest. Plan on every game having an additional 10 minutes of stoppage time because because his vicious angry dunks translates to the entire goal exploding in a fiery inferno. Beautiful, unleashed chaos.
ST (Complete Forward) — LEBRON JAMES
LeBron can do it all on the court so he can do it all on the pitch. On the court James has built his career on his dominant physical gifts, insane athleticism and finishing ability, superior passing, and being smarter than everyone else on the court. A Complete Forward has to do a bit of everything: use their strength to hold up the ball, have good passing to help build up play, create chances for themselves and others, and of course score goals. LeBron could easily average a 20–20 season or something ridiculous; he’d essentially be CR7 on steroids. And even though he’s getting up in age, LeBron has to be included because a) he’s one of maybe the top 5 NBA players ever and b) when we soccer fans dream of “what if the best NBA players played soccer” what we really mean is “What if LeBron had played soccer instead?”
And there you have it. My starting 11 of current NBA players. What’s fun about this argument is that current straight up soccer players like Christian Pulisic are rendering this dream/argument moot. Americans prize physical traits and athleticism in our sports culture, but soccer as a game tends to reward those who are are smaller, quick, and have very good fundamentals and skills. And this is a good thing. I think this dream/argument has been around for so long because American soccer fans felt like the only way to get on level terms with the world would be to get less of our athletes playing basketball and football and more of them playing soccer. But here’s the unique thing about America: it’s so damn big that there is room for every sport to produce excellent athletes. A player like Pulisic is tangible proof that America doesn’t need to convert future McDonald’s All-Americans into attacking midfielders — natural soccer players who grow up playing and loving soccer can become stars.
Blah blah blah. What a bunch of nonsensical optimistic bullshit. Our best athletes should play soccer because it is the best sport. This lineup would be fun as hell to watch, and would probably win a few trophies. If you agree, then devote the rest of your life to converting young hoops starts into ballin’ soccer players. The beautiful game will be better for it.
