Day 1 of Being 25
Today is my first whole day being 25. Perhaps I am being a little dramatic about the whole thing. Or maybe, this is what that ‘quarter-life crisis’ is manifesting as: anxiety about having anxiety about turning 25. Whatever it is, I’ll take it as ‘the sign’ to start living life to the fullest. Right? Right.
One of my friends gave me a birthday card with a personalized message that really stuck to me. Now, I received many heartfelt cards and messages from loved ones and friends that really touched me, but hers in particular shook me up a bit. Now, she’s a tad bit younger than I am, so whenever she has anything to say about me and my antics, it either comes across as very insightful or annoying. This time, it was something that made my brain flip and sizzle, like the undercooked side of a fried egg. She wrote, bless her heart, that I “have inspired [her] more than anyone with what [I’ve] done and accomplished in [my] mere 25 years”. It’s a statement that can be quickly blown off as being medicated by birthday sentimentalism and kindness. And yet, it’s been on my fried brain all day.
You see, like most, I am a creature of interesting habits. The worst of which means that I am always pressing and pushing for the next thing, be it a move, a job, a trip or an idea. Literally, I came back from a trip to Iceland two days ago, threw a 25th-birthday party and am juggling numerous projects at work. It’s not that I can’t sit still or I’m creating vast great events or things; it’s just I’m constantly in fear that I’m too late to a party or some life goal. It’s ridiculous, really. It’s that whole notion of “timelines” and completing socially acceptable goals. No matter how NOT socially acceptable and nonconforming I am (purposefully or accidentally), there’s still that fear of exclusion or missing out. FOMO- fear of missing out, right? Yeah, I’m working on it.
Her words really cut into me because she’s right and I hate knowing that it takes an inspirational Hallmark moment for it to sink in. I have done a lot in my 25 years and have an interesting story to tell (well, at least I think so). But more importantly, maybe now, at 25, I should slow down a bit and take it all in. Instead of racing to complete these irrelevant socially acceptable timelines and goals, I should take in the moment, whatever moment I am in and be present. I should also take the time to reflect and learn from everything I have done and been through. I tend to speed through that part.
So today, after catching up on all the sleep my body desperately needed, I took it slow. It took me two and a half hours to make dinner today, for example, and not because I was taking my time and taking Facebook breaks. I had tons of vegetables left over from my farmshare delivery this week and all of them required cleaning, peeling and dressing of some sort. Meticulously and “present”, I peeled and cut, roasted and seasoned and dined on my own time and work. It was perfect except for the mustard greens which were spicy as all hell and annoyingly over-present in my salad. Metaphors about life can be found in all places, eh?
The pause reminded me of how grateful I am to be leading the life I lead. Anything could at any moment be swept up from under me, as my immigrant parents have taught me. So I can’t trust that things will be going so well forever, but they are now, and that’s important to realize. However, as life and some of the brilliant people I admire have demonstrated, even if things get pulled up from under you and you hit your chin on the concrete ground, you keep moving. You get up, brush yourself off and move. You make a plan and do not stop. Perhaps that’s why I am so eager to move on to next steps and big things: either I have fallen on my chin too many times and have mastered the timing just right to get right back up on the bounce, or I haven’t hit the bottom at all. Who knows?
But I know that tonight, the 16th of November, I am grateful. I am surrounded by wonderful family, friends and an amazing job. I love Kansas City. I love the people around me who brimming with love and adventure. I love the choices I have made in the last year and/or have learned a lot from them. There is a humming from the universe all around me lately that fills my eardrums and strengthens my bones, urging me to live, move and make. However, it takes stillness to hear this symphony of sound that surrounds me and in this day and age of content production and culture change, being still can be the biggest challenge of them all.
