He Is Enough For Me
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Solomon 2:7 — “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” I’ve always wondered what this meant, or more importantly, what it looked like. We as men have a desire to be with a woman, but how do we walk the line of discerning what God’s will is in a relationship with a girl?
I think this verse has so many components to it and want to unpack it through the lens of holding love at a level so it does not create anxiety, worry, frustration or discouragement.
I think timing in a relationship comes from the foundation of what God’s will is. God’s will can be seen clearly by the provision of our hearts actions. This means that we pursue God first and ask a few important questions to God.
We must ask God to make clear the timing within a relationship by praying specifically for him to reveal open or closed doors and upon God revealing those options we must ask him that we act appropriately to that clarity. For example, if you feel like God is shutting a door and it is clear that timing is not right, we must pray that we take action accommodate that sign by retreating to other options or slowing it down.
I think we get caught up in asking, “God help this to go well. I pray that you make this relationship what I want.” and we forget to ask God to truly intervene.
How do we pursue a woman; and continue to do so?
Pursuing a woman of Christ can be difficult in each stage of life and the relationship. I know that the pursuit of that woman’s heart should never stop. From the stage of just meeting to being married a man must constantly pursue. Pursuing a woman that you love should not be put on hold no matter what.
How do we love a woman like Christ loves the church?
We all know that we should love others like God loves the church. I was thinking about what it would mean to love a woman like God loves the church?
I think an easy example would be through the idea of a bank account. I thought it was powerful to understand the feelings we have with a bank account and how we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually affected by what happens when we deposit or credit money to or from that account.
When we monetarily give, our bank accounts start to empty. When it is empty there is no more money to give or spend. Now slightly transition that mindset of giving money to giving love. I believe that we see a powerful God come to life in this example when we think about how he gives love. This is the beauty of God. If you think of God’s mercy, grace and love his ‘account’ never empties! His extravagant grace, unwavering power, and unconditional love never empties for us, yes, even for us sinners of this world! We continue to sin and forget about God, but God just keeps pouring his love on us.
The bonds of love between God and us are so strong, and the sovereign purposes of God are so kind that everything can be transformed into mercy. A hurtful word, a harmful person, and a hate-filled devil are not able to extinguish the flame of God’s love.
God’s love is guaranteed by the character and sovereignty of God. It was purchased by Jesus, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can separate us from that love.
To be in Christ Jesus our Lord is to be always loved. To be in Christ Jesus means that no matter what happens in life or in death, God will always love us.
Shouldn’t we love a woman like this? No matter what happens, our love, grace and mercy continues to pour out. I mean NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS fellas! Just like God guarantees his love, a woman should have our promised, as men commanded by God, that they will be love like this. This eliminates all causes for a separation of a covenant between a man, woman and God.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” — Ephesians 5:25–26 & 28
“Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” 1 Corinthians 13:6–7
God is living and breathing in everything we do, and I feel His presence when I think of who He is and how different He is from the cultural relationships today. This opens my eyes to a God that is mine, a God who loves me, and most certainly a God who will never stop loving me — “But where sin increased, grace and love increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death so also grace and love might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” — Romans 5: 21–22
We should not love her as Christ loved the church in order to get something from her; we should love her that way because that is what God has commanded us to do, and that’s the way he has loved me.
What is the difference between a contract and a covenant? What steps can you take to show more of this type of love?
What am I seeking in a spouse as a believer of Christ
I don’t think a man should pursue a woman if he does not know what he wants or is willing to wait for.
Christ is enough for me. Christ does satisfy me. Sure, I have longings and marriage is a good thing, but it’s not the ultimate thing. Christ is still better; He is enough for me.
God must be glorified in relationships. We were designed by God to pursue.
What I Am Looking For & Willing to Wait For
Physical attraction is important, but should not be the foundation of why I pursue/marry a woman.
Song of Solomon 1:3 “Pleasing is your fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like oil poured out. No wonder the maidens love you.” This is representing character in a man. Notice how it says “your name is like oil poured out” and how that is revealing much more than attraction. Your character is important in starting and stabilizing a relationship with a Godly woman.
I was thinking, “okay, so I need to have good character — and we can find what defines that in the Bible — in order to truly experience a Christ like relationship, but wouldn’t it only make sense that the woman you pursue have that similar trait?” Her name should pour out like oil (reputation and character is desired by other believers). I truly believe this, and want to look for this character as I seek for a woman in the lense of Christ.
DON’T MOVE TO EXCLUSIVE DATING IF YOU LACK TO JUDGE CHARACTER
She knows submission. She has a belief that there is something bigger than herself.
Song of Solomon 1:5–8 “…She tends to the fields upon request of her brothers” I believe this these are important verses because it reveals a woman of submission and depth within her belief in God; understanding His creation and why life and relationships aren’t about her. This reveals depth in her life.
I always think about what will make my spouse beautiful to me. I want her soul to be beautiful where I know I make her feel safe when we struggle or have a hardship. Depth must be present when these times comes because this is where relationships begin to grow with one another but most importantly with God. If depth in God is present in our relationships both you and your spouse will submit to God together. This is what we need to be looking for.
Issues that come to the surface will be resolved in a willing manner even if it means that you grind through it. Seeking and finding vitality in a woman we will find that that woman will not run or hide from these issues.
Song of Solomon 2:15 “Catch for us the foxes the little foxes that ruin the vineyards our vineyards that are in bloom” I took this as a metaphor. The foxes representing the issues even the little issues “little foxes” that ruin the growing relationship “ruin the vineyards that are in bloom”. She is not only to spot weaknesses but also “catch” them and act upon them. This progression might be what happens when there is vitality present in a relationship:
- Struggle, disagreement, hardship, etc occurs
- Pray together/begin to work it out together
- Life depends on working this out — hardship, struggle, pushing through.
- Meaning in a relationship starts to build because you conquered a true hardship together where life and the relationship depended on getting out of it.
- Finally, trust is built
If a woman does not have vitality your relationship will never get past number 2 where you just pray but don’t address the hard stuff. Trust and meaning in a relationship will not be built without vitality.