“Mental health and depression”
It all first began more or less when I was at school in year 9 it started all because of the way I would style my hair I would get through cans and cans of hair spray just to be me.
This image I had in my mind was like being in a nut cracker shell like no one else around me or inside mattered but I didn’t see myself how others did at the current time as an outsiders view and assumed I was just me and normal but people probably thought is she just out to get stupidity attention? What, no!
When going through depression no one else deeply understands what goes on through your mind unless they have truly been there themselves or when the time is too late it’s gone and you can’t get what’s gone back.
It started to have better days and some worse where I wouldn’t even be able to bike or walk to school properly without having the mick taken out of me or pointed , stared and laughed at.
My paranoia and low self esteem were really bad where I would feel constantly dizzy, heavy chested, constantly nervous and anxious about where I was walking or going to. Even exam halls I couldn’t bare concentrate for 5 minutes without feeling like I was having an inside panic attack staying stiff in one position not wanting to move.
I used to get called names such as freak, melon head, tit head, Micky mouse and more. People would come up to me and smack me on the head, push me off chairs in lessons and turn around and call me names. But you know it was people who would sit with me and not judge and just be me for me and I appreciated that.
A new girl started and I can always remember the name and it was like all hell broke over as though the school was owned by her and no one else and everything just blew out of control because I copied a certain style, brow or colour piece of clothing. I would get evil looks and much more, threats also.
I just learned and learned to walk by it everyday almost and ignore it and just think deep down one day your going to get your own back without me having to do any harm or YOU and it pays off and then kept getting adds on my social media sites I did almost commit suicide at certain attempts and points and would physically sit in my room harming myself not knowing where I was going wrong or what i was really doing I was deep down in a black hole suffering inside. But eventually things got better when it got to prom and that was the best moment of my life reaching that point of such relief knowing in was moving on into the big brighter world away from everything and those nasty cowards.
I’m here today finding myself and I’m where I belong and have the love and support I always have needed for my needs and expectations from important close few friends and family and I am forever thankful for them to be apart of my life forever x x x