I’ve always considered myself pretty strong mentally. Rarely, if ever, have I had an extended period of unhappiness, anxiety, stress or just a general lack of mental wellbeing. Even if I do, it usually passes fairly quickly so I never really put it out there. As a preface, I’m extremely grateful for that. I know countless people that have/have had mental health issues and I have immeasurable amounts of respect for people that deal with it on a regular basis, whatever form it comes in.
However, today, around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, I just got hit with this tidal wave of anxiety and dread. I finished uni this week, had my final year summer ball yesterday evening and with this afternoon came the realisation that pretty much all structure from my life is now gone, especially, in this case, when it comes to the friendships I’ve built here.
Now that might sound weird, but what I’m getting at is there’s no set time, or roundabout date for me to see my friends from university again; there’s no certainty that I won’t go 5 or 6 months or more without seeing them in person, if that.
These incredible people that have helped me endlessly and become such an indescribably massive part of my life during the course of the past two-and-a-half years or so are suddenly not so tangible anymore and to put it quite bluntly, I’m fucking terrified. Terrified that I’m going to be cast off, forgotten about, lost in the ether, whatever you want to call it. Basically, left behind.
It’ll pass, probably, but for now, there’s that. It’s out there. Hope it doesn’t sound too self-important.