Pick something and be good at it, everyone says.
Just one thing, though, people don’t like when you’re good at more than one thing.
I’m good at staying quiet. I know things I can say, things I can bring up that you don’t think I know. But for what? Better not, it’s easier this way.
Pick one thing. Only I’m not too good at talking about myself. I like to listen to others talk, I love hearing what someone has to say, my big ears perk up when someone goes into a long story about something they did as a child. Or maybe something that happened to them that one time they ….. What can you tell me, tell me everything. I want to know everything about this world and your experience in it.
I’m good at not crying. I didn’t cry when my grandpa died. I didn’t like how that felt though, not being able to cry made me feel like a dead log in the forest only with nothing crawling around it. If I sit down and think I can’t remember a single time I was able to cry when I was little that wasn’t a direct result of me being hit as punishment for something bad I did. I didn’t know I couldn’t cry because I was sad when I was little, I just didn’t. It felt very uncomfortable as an adult when i was upset and found myself crying. I still feel extremely uncomfortable and I always look down or away.
I’m good at making people laugh, or I like to think I am. That’s not it though, that’s not my one thing that I’m choosing.
I want to be a good man. I want to be the type of man who’s wife looks at from some window in a house she probably picked out and smiles because I make her happy and because I am in every sense of the word a good partner. Because even if it’s one thing I’m good at, it directly affects someone else in a positive way. And that means I cheated, I found some loop hole in this life, where my one good thing makes someone feel just as good.