How to Quiet the Inner Critic

I just got off the phone with a client who has a mega tough inner critic, like with a bullhorn; many of us do. She’s been taking the beatings and getting her lunch money stolen by the inner bully for years.

Only now, after several conversations together, she’s not giving in anymore.

I wrote her this note last week:

Sure, the inner bully will still come in with the: “they’re lying, they don’t really like me, they really think I suck.” But the more you smile at that dude/chick [inner bully], the more it weakens the volume on the criticism.

The thing about ego is that it’s essentially there to protect you. Ego loves routine and safety. Ego sees things like vulnerability as life or death. (Only a little dramatic;)

It’s our lizard brain, or primal brain, the most basic of our thinking who wants to belong and NOT get kicked out of the tribe, because that will mean no food, shelter, and eventually death.

AKA, a coworker thinking less of you = death.

Same goes for your anxiety with friends and awkwardness out in the world. [Fear of NOT being validated.]

If we can have a sense of humor about it. Maybe even thank the ego for being so sweetly, albeit obnoxiously, overprotective, it will lessen the stronghold on you.

In all fairness, the more vulnerable you allow yourself to get, the inner bully will get even louder. It gets worse before it gets better for some reason.

Expansion and growth are terrifying to the ego because it’s not safe and could result in, you guessed it, death;)

That’s why creatives often describe the torture of their work. There’s nothing more vulnerable than putting your work out into the world to be criticized.

I always love the question: What’s worse: Doing the thing and failing, or not ever doing it at all.

Fear will always be there. As Liz Gilbert says, just don’t let it drive. It sits in the back. It doesn’t hold the map and absolutely cannot choose the snacks.

In addition to that, today we talked about the space between thoughts and reaction, and how meditation is a great tool to increase that space.

The thoughts alone are not what make us mad, as in cuckoo. It’s our attachment, emotional clinging, irrational response to the thoughts that fuels the fire.

We are not the thoughts. We are the space of awareness behind them. WE GET TO CHOOSE whether we agree or disagree with the thoughts.

BOOM! (When I realized that, my whole life changed.)

It’s a practice of awareness that doesn’t happen overnight, but one that is nurtured with steadfast attention and repatterning. Every time we choose to respond differently to the inner bully, the voice gets quieter. The critic calms.

I speak from GOBS of experience;)

Things that helped me:

1. a gratitude journal — five things each day, no matter how small
2. tuning into positive media, books, podcasts, etc
3. meditation
4. a determination to change –mindfulness practice
5. not being afraid to love thyself first

I leave you with this: What is your critic the craziest over?

#Onward

Much Love,

kat hurley