Love Is Really Weird

Lamide Aranmolate
Jan 9 · 3 min read

I’ve seen people throw the word around like it’s some endearment and not a key pillar of a healthy society or relationship. While not everyone is guilty of this, there are more guilty people than there’re innocent ones.

Last year I loved two people, best experience really. I’d say I did at different intensities, but in hindsight, there’s no talk of the intensity seeing as they’re both different in the way that a coconut is different from an apple and all I had to do was make a daily decision to choose them everyday.

We spend most parts of our lives trying to downplay the meaning of it, and we always leave out the portion of love that pushes us a little too far for comfort.

To feel this unconditional affection that everybody deserves, I think we need to understand it.

Before now, it was easy for me to show love to people who love me back, but in the face of opposition, rejection, or disagreement, I (as do most of us) tend to naturally despise the person or the group from where it comes.

Being with my most recent lover and deciding to love despite those circumstances, challenged my pride and self-centeredness in profound ways. Coming from a reprobate life of selfishness, it pushed me outside of the realms of myself and on some days it felt like more than I bargained for, some days I felt really stupid.

Looking back, the only times I was really in any discomfort and I couldn’t find any pleasure in the arrangement was when I was thinking primarily about myself, but real love is not always about how we feel when doing something. It’s about doing what we can to improve someone else’s life. It’s about sacrificing the “me” mentality for the “other” relationship, no matter how we feel. And that’s not easy. I realized there’s more to life than gaining exposure and popularity. The world we live in is quite dark, but it’s not one without light (as overwhelming as the dark may seem).

Naturally, we’re drawn to people based on the connections we feel to them. The way we were raised and the environments we grew up in has a lot to do with that. So we flock to what is normal for us, at least most of the time, but in love, there is compassion, there is empathy, there is affection. It seems easy to argue that love is instantaneous, but I would argue the opposite. It takes time to get over certain phobias and preconceived assumptions.

Love is often really just a rubbish, thankless job

It gets crazy sometimes. People don’t always say things that we agree with or do things the way we expect. But it’s never enough excuse for the love to end.

It also, as uncomfortable as it may be, takes a willingness to forsake a picky, selective pseudo-love. People are different, we can’t ignore that. But that’s a good thing.

These kinds of realities stretch us to our absolute limits, revealing what some of us aren’t used to experiencing. We’d all lead better lives, if we sought growth not perfection. Growth strengthens and builds, encourages and lifts others up when they fall. The same is true for love. Because love remains, committed.

Lamide Aranmolate

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Fruit of the gloom.