Pillow talk. Or not?

It seems to me that there is no need for a woman to try to impress a man she is just fucking for the hell of it, but then women are really weird creatures. Maybe they think about it as practice for the “The one”. Maybe they can’t help themselves.

My partner doesn’t understand me.

Pssh! it goes without saying. That you’ve decided to call a maintenance man in on the job pre-empts further explanation.

Tell me about the other people you’ve been with.

They’re all well behaved, shinning examples worth emulating; every woman an exquisite one. Oh, and they’re all Nobel laureates, too. Please, don’t ask if I’ve slept with anyone famous. I have, it was unremarkable, and no, I will not name names.

Where do you stand on the BREXIT situation?

Are you kidding? You selected your one night stand based on the fact the fact that my suit is well cut and expensive and your half-baked notions that I’ll be good in the sac . Unless this is a research project seeking to connect dick size with political leanings, it is about as relevant as asking Iraq what she thinks of joining the OAU. And the odds are I will just tell you what you want to hear, anyway.

Don’t get me wrong; I have female friends and they’re more than the men. But ‘making friends’, that sugar-coated state heavily promoted by Thoughtcatalog and the likes in which two people audition each other over the course of months, years, or possibly the rest of their lives, applying criteria higher than you’d use for selecting a gynaecologist or even a project supervisor in unilag, I have no patience with it.

As a result, I have female friends and they’re people of some character. They’re as batty as they come but rarely stick around long enough to be too annoying. When we meet — sometimes after a gap of months or even years, but that’s okay, because we’re friends, not completing some creepy tick list of ‘friendship’ — it’s as if we never left off. Two people who used to send filthy bbm messages about other people are much the same, but with more experience, a lot of dirt from wadding through murky waters of tough relationships and maybe harder lives.