Stop searching

It makes you look desperate! Even if you don’t mind looking desperate you will never find the right one if you search for him. When you begin going places with the sole purpose of meeting a guy, you are self-sabotaging. Of course you probably aren’t outwardly obvious about your intentions but it eventually overtakes your mind. It starts out innocent; you go to the movies with your girlfriends but you are secretly hoping to run into the man of your dreams while buying extra butter popcorn and a bag of Starbursts. You go out to dinner with your best friend but you are secretly hoping that the man of your dreams will walk into the restaurant, lay eyes on you and become instantly overwhelmed with lust. But then it starts to become more compulsive. You go to the grocery store in your best outfit on a Saturday morning because of course; the guy you have been dreaming about will be waiting for you in aisle three! You sign up for the gym and begin scoping out the place for guys, I mean ellipticals, dressed in the best workout outfit that you could find (not to mention your hair looks great and you have no intention on sweating). You start going through your Facebook friends list to see which guys may be worth going out with. You even start to reach out to some from back in the day just to see if the flame could be relit (starts out casual but you strategically find a way to get him to take you out to dinner to “catch up”…then you pounce).

The madness has to stop!

All of the time that you spend thinking of scenarios on how to meet a guy could be converted into developing a business plan, bettering your health, or getting to know who you really are. I am going to go out on a limb and say that each of us enjoys companionship and we should. Because of this I am not implying that we should sit at home and guys will start knocking on our door. We should continue socializing and hanging out with our friends with the intentions of having a great time and not meeting ‘Mr. Right’. Enjoy and embrace the single life. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t looking for or don’t want to be in a relationship, it just means that you can enjoy being by yourself without needing a guy to complete you. Besides, while you are in search mode you are more likely to force a relationship than to let it happen naturally. When relationships are forced, after the high of being in a relationship wears off, you may not be as happy as you thought you’d be.

If you enjoy searching, search to find out more about yourself — what you like, what moments make you the happiest, saddest, most inspired, etc. The more that you know about yourself the easier it will be for you to navigate through a relationship with certainty. So many of us ladies end up lost in relationships because we never even had a basic understanding of who we were. We never understood the sacrifice or compromise that it takes to remain in a healthy relationship. We never knew that we would still need our own identity no matter how wonderful the relationship may be. So please stop searching and start getting to know who you are a little better; when the time is right things will fall into place.

Taken from chapter 1 of ‘Open Your Mind Before You Open Your Legs”

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