I got sorta day drunk at a dive bar and then biked home.
For a long time I subscribed to existentialism. It made sense. The void of just existing being just a blank page to spew whatever thing you wanted on it that kept you engaged. But in the past few years I’ve been swinging between either Nihilism or Absurdism. And its weird.
I know somewhere deep down I am very likely a Nihilist.
But I have issues saying it out loud.
Like what will people think, or say?
GOOD GOD A NIHILIST. HOW CLICHÉ OF YOU.
But you know it’s not like that.
It’s like a rainbow of realization that you’re just gonna die in the end. Does it matter? Well no. But again there’s a weird freedom in that.
Transitionary states. The mass rejection of values you’ve lived by. That you’ve absorbed. Sometimes unconsciously.
It doesn’t detract me from doing things, but it does sit there, quietly, knowingly.
And as I sit here outside in the sun, on this weird climate change day of 15 celsius in February, I muse about how this is the harbinger.
Not a shout.
Not a bang.
Not an explosion in the sky.
Just a warm day in February.
Where everything wakes up and smiles.