As per societal conventions and human years I turned 32 today. In my heart god knows that I still feel 25. I do feel empowered for a strange reason and this is not even a major milestone (like turning 30). The last year has been a mish-mash of emotions, situations and experiences and I lived through every moment no matter how exhilarating, traumatizing, stressful, joyful, lovely, sad, good and bad. I can safely say that I am a bit wiser now. Perhaps? For every rough day there was a promise to start again, The good times were so friggin’ good that they elevated me to new heights of happiness. Every bad day meant fighting more to earn that one-really-good day. I lost people, forged new friendships, strengthened friendships and reconnected with some lost ones.
If there’s anything that I have learned then it is that turning 30-something doesn’t mean that you need to slow down. It’s a time when you’re still young and ambitious, more comfortable with yourself and you care less about what others think. Seriously. I feel excited because finally I know who I am, I know what I want out of life (mostly) so what if I am still figuring out how to get there.
Today morning when I had my first cup of coffee I thought about all the things that I’ve learned, I feel insanely lucky for the experiences that I have had.
This year is going to be about living and exploring life. Making clear choices. Saying NO. Standing up for myself. Challenging limits and my body. Taking fitness to a new level altogether. Clocking 1:55 Half Marathon. Learning a new skill. Getting that tattoo finally. Earning lots of money and then splurging on things. Traveling. Exploring the possibilities. Harnessing my creativity. It will be about being kind. Acceptance. Forgiveness.
Here I am to embrace another year with excitement and promises. I want to live this life fully. Year after year. Finally, when I am towards the end of my journey I want to reflect on this beautiful naivety, accomplishments, experiences and struggles of my years.
I have a birthday twin (Let’s call him BT). We share a beautiful friendship and camaraderie. He has been an inspiration for me and I am lucky to have him in my life as a friend, mentor and guide.
Today morning we wished each other and talked about our immediate plans amongst other things. After hearing me out he said — “Never one for standing still”. I think he was spot on there. I am just too restless. The desire to achieve, learn and explore never ends. I have this in my DNA. I am very hungry and I hope I stay that way throughout my life.
So really what if Einstein had discovered the theory of relativity by 32 and Alan turing had figured out cryptanalysis. I feel proud of the fact that every morning when I look at myself in the mirror I feel excited, content and happy. There is a high in setting and achieving my personal goals . Feeling comfortable in my own skin has been the hardest journey of all, and yes, I’ve not figured that as yet but I am surely closer than I was 2 years ago.
Today morning I woke up with a song in my head and a poem on my lips.
I have always found inspiration, comfort and strength in William Ernest Henley Invictus.
It makes me very proud of my shortcomings and the fact that despite them I am tenacious and there my friend lies the human strength. It gives me hope and a sense of infinite possibilities ( I will write a post on this).
So here’s to another chapter:
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll.
I am the master of my fate,
I am captain of my soul
Ciao..
P.S: The song is by Sinatra and I mean every word..