Sketch Ideas I’ve had that I will Never Write

• Paul Revere is washed up and rides around Boston yelling, “The cockles are for sale! The cockles are for sale! Get your cockles for sale at the wharf…ah, fuck me.”
• A man goes into a Starbucks and orders a drink that doesn’t make sense (i.e. a double fat skinny mocha chai with a two soy pump and extra mayonnaise). The English PhD behind the counter accosts him.
• The life and times of a farting boxer named Gaseous Clay.
• A seemingly normal man goes about his life but says words like “choo choo” and “my tummy” so that he comes off as a five year old in adult situations. He also calls it his “peepee.”
• MRA celebrate bring your daughter to work day.
• A service exists that sends you a *insert any city* starter pack for yuppies. Items for men include Ray Bans and Patagonia jacket. Items for women include a seemingly bottomless drawer of yoga pants, Uggs, and a toy dog named Cadillac.