The Force Awakens, but what if…

What if all the iconic characters from the Star Wars Saga decided to make a career change and start their own online schools?
The Force is Strong with this One. Artwork by #thepacedteam

The saga continues. The movie is taking theaters by storm.
Instead of writing something about merry Christmas, jingling bells, reindeers and have another slice of turkey, dears, I want to wave this year’s holidays goodbye and cheer the new year’s advent with a tribute to the Star Wars.
The thing is that, the whole Star Wars mania has temporarily conquered the e-learning galaxy as well.

Many inventive instructors have already embraced the Force, and ask their apprentices to choose their learning path as an e-learning jedi or an e-learning sith. The Star Wars mythology is embedded in e-learning methods, modules, “Easter eggs”, side tests and funny games that engage the learner. Or the padawan, if you prefer.

“Help princess Leia learn how to drift in an X-wing starfighter”

“How many glowing little Death Stars can decorate the Emperor’s Christmas tree?”

“Don’t let Han Solo be solo for Christmas. Buy him a talking juicer for a fresh good morning, every morning”

The inventiveness of instructors who want to make their online content more fun and engaging is endless. But what would be endless would be the scenario where Star Wars characters build their own schools and teach their own skills.
That would be a Christmas present I’d die for.
 
 
Darth Vader 
School Name “Faith Inside You”
The Dark Lord of the Sith, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Forces teaches you how to sing and play all of Faith Hill’s country tunes using pots and pans, while eating spicy Indian food. The Supreme Instructors asks his students to find the Faith Hill they hide inside them in a farrago of curry and burning pepper. It is a successful school with no dropouts, because whoever objects to the curriculum will hear the typical phraseI find your lack of Faith disturbing.” You either stick to the syllabus or die.

C3PO 
School Name: “Grease to Please”
An excellent school that cultivates even the least talented person’s cooking skills, with an emphasis on the beauty of greasy food. The protocol droid C3PO could spend a lifetime bathing in hangover-curing grease. Now he shares the secrets of his sobriety and evershining appearance with anyone interested. Bacon wrapped French fries, cheese fries, stormtrooper fried, anything deep fried is that droid’s specialty and your nutritionist’s nightmare. Always classy and soft speaking, C3PO is aided by his longtime pal, R2D2, who has become a sensation among the world’s fryers, who go to sleep with his poster atop their beds.
 
 
Count Dooku 
School Name: “Anger management”
A natural born leader, The Count made a name for himself as a leader of the Separatist Alliance during the Clone Wars. He teaches people how to handle their anger and use it for their own good and his motto is “I sense great fear in you. You have hate… you have anger… but you don’t use them”. Problem is he channels anger into paths that make his students act like Orks. This is good because most of them entered the film industry as extras in the “Lord of the Rings” and “The Hobbit” trilogies, where all they had to do was to act naturally. Rumor has it that a certain candidate for the next US presidential elections has attended Count Dooku’s school. Twice.

Han Solo 
School Name: “Millenium Foul Cone”
The legendary smuggler decides to settle down and create an online school dedicated to teaching the art of making the perfect ice cream cone. Using nothing but the best ice from the remote planet of Hoth, instruct Han is never solo since his school is being attended by thousands of young gelato fanatics. A thousand do’s and don’ts for the perfect ice cream cone as taught by the Galaxy’s number one Cone Man make this school a must-have.
 

 
Qui-Gon Jinn 
School Name: “Taken”
For unknown reasons, the emblematic master Jedi decided to set up an online school that helps fathers overcome the “first date fear”, a psychological phenomenon that occurs when you’re an overprotective father and your daughter goes on her first date.
The school curriculum is a well-kept secret but fathers who have enrolled are excited with the cognitive impact it has on their lives. Many of the school’s alumni are often heard to murmur this in a mantra-like way:
 
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
 
 
Obi-Wan Kenobi 
School Name: “OB1”
The jedi master created his own school where he teaches the virtue of forgetting, the gift of forgiving and the art of making sushi. Rumor has it that the apprentices undergo the stage 1 standard jedi training in order to master the art of levitating seaweed from open seas in order to achieve budget cuts for their restaurants (both as employees or as owners). A big plus is that the restaurants they are bound to operate will not have the need of menus since the chef will be able to read any client’s mind and prepare the dishes they are thinking of. If the clients have no idea what they want to order, the chef will just infuse the desire of any food he wants in their mind, thus preparing the less laborious recipes. Master Kenobi loves to call his revenue books “droids” just because he loves it when the IRS appear and inquire to check on them, so he can say “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for” and let them mind their own business.

What about Yoda, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, the Emperor and Chewbacca? Well, I guess the saga continues….

Aris Panagis

Aris is the Co-founder of Paced. Helping online educators make better courses.
 He still can’t understand why he should refer to himself in the third person.

Originally published at medium.com on December 23, 2015.

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