Space Too Less To Title My Sudden Feeling of Failure (Read post for original title)
What the fuck happened? I was just waltzing around in college, and suddenly I’m entering the later half of the 20s in a week?! I’m still a fresh graduate at heart! I’ve had enough health problems that my body feels like it’s 37 years old and ready to have a heart attack from the extremely unhealthy lifestyle we call a party these days, but my mind is still stuck at 22–23. When did it all change?!
Since 2014 I’ve been saying I’ll go study, do a higher graduation and I’ve come to realise that it’s like me reading books. I really like the idea of reading a lot of books, I just don’t actually do it. But last year I made an effort! I actually took the GMAT! Twice! I thought 650–680 was easy-peesy, but as reality might have it, it’s not! But I didn’t let that bog me down. I built a good profile and applied to schools. I thought the world’s best colleges would consider me with all this fancy sounding profile, but turns out, scores, especially GMAT English scores, matter. A lot! I finally got into a school in the US, but as fate would have it, the orange haired buffoon became the leading decision maker, which meant I had to withdraw and sit tight until the suddenly awesome Europe schools responded. Of the two universities I applied to in Europe, 1 said yeah we’ll think about 2018 and today, the other one also said the same. This basically puts studying in 2017 out of contention and that’s what led me to write this post and re-evaluate my last 8 years of negligible existence: How I went from let-me-study-biotechnology-and-cure-cancer to what-is-my-true-calling to when-will-i-realise-there-is-no-such-thing-as-true-calling-in-life-but-only-on-blog-posts-and-facebook-videos.
So let’s see what went right and what didn’t.
Back in ’08, I was supposed to study aeronautical engineering (and later work at NASA, yeah that’s what my relatives thought I’ll do once I graduate), because SRM could offer only that for my amazing score in their entrance exam, but since biotech was my elective in school, my mum agreed to pay a “capitation fee” and make me a scientist. The mistake was not biotech or even the capitation fee. The mistake was — S…S….SRM…Where you learn and leap and lead! Yeah that was the fucking college promo song! My application even came with a DVD that was supposed to give me an understanding of their architecturally fucked campus and it even had bytes of the then students, talking about how SRM was the best fucking decision of their lives or how the professors are PhD holders and oh so awesome! Pora varavan, punnakku vikkravan lam PhD, Doctor nu sollikuran ippo! In my 3rd year, my mum came and asked why I didn’t do VISCOM or something and helped save her money at least. Good suggestion only. Two years too late no.
But I should give credit to this college for 2 things — the college was so chill, and I found my girlfriend, of now almost 8 years, there. Because it was chill no, I could carry on some extracurricular activities with a theatre group on the side. More like, that was my full time gig and college was just time pass. Then life was smooth; theatre management was just perfect for an extrovert and like-to-think-I’m-also-creative person like me. 6 years, 4 through college and 2 after that, I spent my days and nights at the venue busting my ass to put up a good show and that was just great!
After biotech + theatre, for some reason I was convinced that advertising/media planning was the best course of action after my degree. I got bored of my initial set of clients in less than 2 years.
I quit my job and tried figuring out what I want to really do in life under the pretext of preparing for GMAT (yes my mum wanted a stronger excuse than — “I don’t know what my true calling is”), but instead I chilled for 5 months. This was at the end of 2013 only, and it was before soul searching became a cool thing to do. Yes, I was ahead of the curve when it came to chilling. What was? Still am the boss! B-)
But I actually think that those 5 months were the best time of my independent life, as far as I can remember. My days were spent watching movies/tv shows, 2 hours in the gym, directing amateur productions and chilling in a music studio, while learning to play the drums. When I ran out of funds, I went back to my old job but for a higher pay and for a bigger,better client! What a win situation right — I got to chill for 5 months and they were, for some reason, ready to pay me more, like I’d gained valuable experience from a competitor. I thought okay done, I’ll go study the next year.
Then in 2015, I decided to move to Bangalore for another media planning role. Higher studies died a second death. I should have known this was it. But no! My Pepsi-Uma mind said keep trying and keep on trying, but it didn’t realize that it wasn’t even trying. 2 years I’ve been in Bangalore now and while I’ve achieved a few milestones work wise, my take home pay has only marginally increased and this year the appraisal hasn’t even come into effect yet, which was supposed to happen in Jan. Basically, my appraisal, in Tirupati slang is Govinda Goooovinda! And now I don’t even find media planning, as a concept, thrilling. So many issues and developments are happening all across the world and yet, my client’s main problem is that 1 TV spot didn’t go on-air or some post on Facebook didn’t get promoted. Boss nothing is going to change with this one sad post about dog food!
A few more problems I’m currently facing include financial instability (adhavadhu oatta kai), girlfriend parents forcing her to marry soon and within the caste (hand touching girl problem? Harry Potter also same problem, this sapter), and most importantly — hair loss (myre-a pochu!).
Okay I think I lost track of the post. Here also lost track only.
So basically, what do I want to do now? I don’t know. What should I be doing now? Someone tell me already if you know the answer!
But after all this I have come to somewhat setting short-term and long-term goals. I’m putting these out there so that I become accountable for my decisions when someone reads this post a year down the line and asks me if I ended up chasing my goals, I have a legit answer.
Short-term (Now-Jan/Sep 2018): Work with a firm on creative and strategy (or) work with a content site to acquire, as well as, create new content. Yes, Capitalism vaazhga! (or) Start off with my own venture — I have 3 ideas which are…. Illa vendam, top secret. After getting trademark, I’ll tell you.
Long-term (2020+): Have a business degree and start consulting with start-ups for growth hacking and building necessary products (or) Have a business degree and work with big production houses/studios and chill with the stars (or) have a business degree and work with education sector to revolutionize the way people go about education in 3rd world countries — yeah I’m talking about India only.
So there are now 3 pathways, and I’m confused. Which one would you recommend I choose?
Thanks for reading the gist of my last 252,288,000 seconds (approximately 8 years) in less than 400 seconds and having an opinion on what I should be doing. Please like, share, comment and subscribe. Also, please click the bell icon. Oh sorry. This not YouTube and I’m not famous.
PS: In between all this I intend to convince my girlfriend’s parents and my mother, that me and my girlfriend have to get together in holy union to ensure we both can be insane together in order to maintain our individual sanity, learn to play the drums properly, write and direct more plays/web series, go the gym regularly, and last but not the least, have fun doing all of this with no regrets.
PC: Karthik Sivan’s Awesome iPhone 7 Plus Camera with Portrait Mode
Model: Yeah it’s me.
Okay shy is coming. Bye!