Sep 20, 2018Why Chris Stapleton? Maybe Because He’s the Encino Man America NeedsHe doesn’t just look backwoods. He looks freshly rescued, or excavated. Without a word on the dark stage, Chris Stapleton rips into the creepy guitar melody that opens “Midnight Train to Memphis.” It hangs in the air like mustard gas, with that same oh-shit silence that made “Hells Bells” so…Music8 min readMusic8 min read
Published inHuman Parts·Sep 30, 2014What It’s Like to Be on A Bomb-Threatened PlaneOn Saturday I was lusting after a household appliance. On Sunday I just didn’t want our plane to explode. Here’s how that went: Wednesday I arrive at a Dallas hotel. Kimpton originally built this hotel. Kimpton builds hotels out of old Priuses glued together with organic chia seed paste. I wonder…9 min read9 min read
Published inHuman Parts·Jul 17, 2014Why Americans Love SushiIt’s as close as we get to tackling a gazelle with our teeth — I’ve been a food writer for for six years now. For the last four, I’ve been the restaurant critic for San Diego Magazine. Food Network was good enough to pay me to chase America’s favorite foods across the country. On Sunday nights, I sit next to Guy Fieri and try…6 min read6 min read
May 6, 2014Ronald McDonald Gets Called Back for DutyPhoto Credit: Peter M. http://goo.gl/ncro3h Two weeks ago, McDonalds announced that Ronald McDonald was making a comeback for the digital age. What follows is a super-true firsthand account of what happened when Ron got the call: “Ronny, my man!” yelped the man on the phone. Ron couldn’t place the voice…3 min read3 min read
Published inTHOSE PEOPLE·Apr 25, 2014Why the Happy Meal is Fast Food’s Greatest Invention Or, how McDonalds turned Santa into the deadbeat dad of the gift-giving industry — Photo Credit: https://flic.kr/p/7WMRTV This week, the corporate golden arch announced it’s giving Ronald McDonald a makeover. He’s apparently taking selfies and sculpting clowny Tweets. It got me thinking about how fun it is to dupe kids into making poor decisions. It also made me realize that, of all the fast…4 min read4 min read
Published inHuman Parts·Apr 23, 2014What Ronald McDonald Taught Me about Emotional DepthPhoto credit: https://flic.kr/p/adhjQg It was 1979. I was six. Mom said we were going somewhere special. I settled into the passenger seat and pulled out my portable video game. On the screen were a series of red lights that, with significant imagination, represented football players. There were no “men.” No…Fast Food4 min readFast Food4 min read
Published inHuman Parts·Dec 19, 2013A Man Copes with His First Near-Colonoscopy ExperienceA doctor entered me from behind and I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK… — Photo Credit: https://flic.kr/p/2nV9z Nothing prepares you for it. Sure, I had a girlfriend with a curious finger. Every grad from a mediocre college has. And I’m aware that by the time men turn 50, it’s a good idea to let the man your mother-in-law wished her daughter would’ve married put…13 min read13 min read
