4 BIG Things You Need More Of Before the Sun Explodes
Welcome to the future!
You can relax now.
You made it.
We still have a little time left before the sun explodes.
I mean, we haven’t consumed everything yet.
But we’re really close.
With your help, we can put this thing over the top so no other human that exists from this point forward will ever be able to enjoy the Earth’s body as much as we have.
These are the 4 big things you need more of…
Buy more worthless stuff…
…to fill the void that is your soul.
Because having the most stuff is what will get you into the kingdom of Heaven.
God hates non-stuff havers.
Your success will be complete when the last package you forgot you ordered arrives, and the disposable servant that delivers it stacks it on top of all the other stuff, placing it like a headstone, eulogizing, “Here lies Consumer 2389-R68-BAQ98765435F. They had a lot of stuff.”
Eat more amazing tasting things…
…that make your brain go insane.
Things that leave you constantly wanting more, like an addict who can’t get enough of the sweet release of the latest opioid.
Things that transform your body from a boring, built for actual survival, lean mean fighting machine, to an exciting blob riddled with obesity and the inability to move naturally.
There’s still plenty of space on the planet to fit whatever size you desire to be.
But better hurry, because space is running out fast!
Put more garbage content made by talentless hacks in your eyeballs.
So your favorite tech god can lead you to the digital escape.
We’ll be spending a lot of time there in the not too distant future.
Ease into a warm solution of high tech gel designed to comfort and feed your body all it needs to survive while you live out the rest of your pointless life in the sweet escape of digital stimulation.
The horrors of this so-called real world won’t bother you any more.
It’s nothing but orgasms and always getting your way, just like your parents promised when you were a little fat baby.
Vote for the autocrat with the best insults and one liners.
You know the one that really gets under the skin of that other one you hate so much.
You know the one that talks in absolutes, spoon feds you exactly what you want to hear regardless of its accuracy, and lets you know just how horrible you think you’ll have it if that other one wins.
They’ll guide you to Utopia, out of this Dystopian Suburban Hellscape you helped build and bankrupt, right off the edge of a cliff so they can grind your flesh into paste to feed their mutant babies.
Because really, they have no clue what they’re doing.
They’re just an idiot with a big mouth and ego to match.
But man do they not force you to face reality, or think too much, or do anything to actually solve a problem.
It’s just the way you like it.
You’re ready for this. You can do it.
You’ve been trained your whole life for this moment.
From the second your biological mother shot you out of her vagina or some fancy doctor thumbed you out like a cyst, you been in training to go out into the world and consume.
No limits.
The abundance mindset is the only mindset, there is no other way to think.
If you’re not growing, you’re dying.
So keep growing.
Keep going.
Petal to the metal.
Until the sun explodes.
==> Explode the Sun <==
For comedic purposes only. Consume with care, but not limits. If you want more, click the vanity things that fill my ego with Christmas.
