Five Area Focus (I)

For most of my life, I have struggled to believe that I am capable of anything. The past year has proved that I am actually capable of a whole lot. And after having taken a long, hard look at myself and the goals I have made for my life, I know I want to keep pushing.

Sometimes it is difficult to hold onto my optimism when I recognize so many (often unfounded) flaws in myself. One thing that lifts me up is the thought of others striving to become their best selves. I know that every wonderfully, highly admirable person in my life has taken the same journey (although each journey may look a little different). This gives me hope and a reason to trust that I have just as much promise and potential as the next person. So, I get a lot from comparing myself to the greatly respected people that I care about.

One activity I like to do on my own is to make lists of the people I admire, along with the traits that I feel makes them so admirable. On my most recent list, I include the following:

Openness

I have never been one to discuss my private life with anyone, even my closest friends or family members. It is uncomfortable and I always fear that doing so will be a burden on the other person in the conversation. U̶n̶fortunately, I know that by avoiding these uncomfortable conversations, I am really not doing myself any good. I’ve been working on becoming more open with the people I trust because it is just so much better to know we are all on the same page. The more I open up, the easier it is and the happier I am.

Motivation

For me, motivation comes and goes. When I have a new interest, I am always very motivated to learn everything about it in the shortest time possible. This is great! But I quickly lose interest and my motivation follows close behind. I’m still not quite sure what I can do to stay motivated, especially after any kind of setback. It’s definitely a lot of work for me. On a positive note, I think that the word that would best describe my experiences in 2015 is perseverance. This word does not apply to any previous year, so I think this is a great start. Without perseverance, motivation cannot exist.

Generosity

It is difficult to admit, but I know that I am a selfish person. I’m not sure what made me this way. When others display generosity in any way, I often feel jealous or threatened because I so badly wish to be like them. For my next post, I will brainstorm and list a number of practical and affordable ways to give to the people around me.

Self-assurance

I have only just begun to feel confident in my intelligence and abilities and just…being me. It’s been a journey, but I am finally at the point where I can recognize that my existence is important and valuable. Contrary to the belief I held in the past, I actually have a fair amount of control in regard to how my life pans out. I have more control when I accept that I am enough as I am (though there will always be room to grow).

Commitment

This connects to my previous point about generosity (which will be more apparent in my next post). Making commitments kinda freaks me out. I feel terrible when I can’t fulfill a commitment, so my answer is to just not make them in the first place. (Even a simple lunch date can be too much!) This isn’t how it should be. I so desire people to see me as reliable and consistent because I place a lot of value on those things. I’m honestly not sure how to get past this aside from forcing myself to make commitments more often. I already know that the only way I would not honor a commitment is if something major were to come up, so I shouldn’t be so worried.

I plan to continue my work in these five areas, especially over the course of the next couple of weeks. I have found that simply being aware of a weakness helps me to recognize my strengths, which can really go a long way. When I think about it like this, my strengths work as wonderful motivators. I am so looking forward to watching myself become even more of the person I am meant to be.